


Gravity

by Synapsida



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-13 15:47:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synapsida/pseuds/Synapsida
Summary: Reader’s a young security officer (Lieutanent Junior Grade) who happened to be on an away mission and fall hard for a certain Chief Engineer. Both of them aren’t the most outgoing regarding their feelings and tend to just watch each other from a distance, which is going to change.





	1. Beginnings

She was beautiful in zero gravity.  
Security did train in zero gravity and the Chief Engineer of the USS Enterprise had made it a habit to occasionally, just now and then, take a glimpse at the training sessions. There was always something that needed some checking up and welding done and so there had always been a reason to stick around a few training sessions. Today Chief of Security had ordered them all outside - real zero grav for a change - and she had just floated around a monitor.  
„You’re an old fool, Montgomery Scott“, mumbled the Scotsman to himself and turned around, checking his PADD for messages. He had work to do.

„Y/N, we’re done!“ you’re senior officer waved you back inside and you saluted, turning around, gliding through the vacuum of space, back into the Enterprise. You were in orbit around a planet that was „Fascinating“ according to some well known vulcan - and while you weren’t stuck in WARP, your senior took the opportunity for some real Zero Grav training. You liked those sessions, they were good training in three dimensional navigation. And there was another thing: You loved the thrill of only fabric between you and space. It was a trance - effortless, and silent apart from the soft buzzing of your life support systems. There was a certain beauty to it only you seemed to grasp, as your mates seemed to groan about those drills more than anything else. You halted at the airlock, took another good look at the Enterprise - few inside the ship ever saw her like that, despite when in port - and marveled at her beauty.  
Yes, you loved what you did.

Airlock shut behind you, pressure equalization whizzed and you could finally take your helmet off. Cassandra was already grinning, small wrinkles around her nose and a twinkle in her eyes.  
„I was beginning to think you’d never come, took a good look at the lady, huh?“ she laughed, grabbing a towel to rub her face. She threw you another towel.  
„She’s one beautiful ship,“ you replied, catching the towel with one hand and putting your helmet on a pile of clothes next to you.  
„Heard we’re off on shore leave?“  
„I think the exact words the captain used were ‚camping‘“, replied Cassandra and shook her head, although not all too dismissive. As far as you gathered, exploring was going on well and Captain thought it would be a nice break from your 5 year mission to get a few days off. Do something relaxing.  
„As long as we’re still airborne, how about breakfast?“ - you nodded to the door, grabbing your pile of clothes. She grinned. „Yeah, I’m starving.“

You went for a steak and some kind of fruit salad, glancing around the room. The sound of chatter and laughter around you filled your head with a pleasant buzz. Cassandra chatted away with some guy from the MedBay she met a few weeks ago. What was his name? Andrew…Andrej…? Something starting with an A. You couldn’t remember, as you didn’t make an effort to remember her companions name until they stuck around for longer then three weeks. As long as she was happy and content and didn’t want you to remember any birthdays, you were fine. She had always had the attention of the guys, and girls, around you. She was tall, at least 6,2 feet. Long hair in a tight knot. Ever sparkling brown eyes. Andrej .. or was it Andrew? .. was smitten. You could see it in his face and had to fight back a grin. Good thing you didn’t share bunks with her anymore, the sleep deprivation would have probably killed you by now.

There was another familiar sound on the enterprise. It was like a different tune in all familiar music. Something that always caught your attention - the sound of a scotsman, laughing. He was sitting there with Bones and the Captain, and their conversation seemed to shift between heated argument and joking around. He shook his head at the captain with what looked like a moan about yet another stunt and as he lifted his head your yes met for a moment. All sound seemed to vanish, as if a hull breach had created a vacuum right here, right now.  
You smiled and hoped you did not look too sheepishly, nor too .. well.. what?  
„Well, have you got your eye set on one big fish or what?“ Cassandra’s voice broke through the moment, a moment that couldn’t have lasted more then a second. Maybe two. You hoped. Your cheeks flushed red.

„Shut up.“ - you focused on your steak again.  
„You know, Y/N, I have seen Scotty hanging around lately.“  
„Hmph.“ She always wanted you to get a guy, or girl, or whatever. Someone to relax with.  
„You were on Solfar 6 with him, weren’t you? That away mission where you caught that nasty burn?“  
„Yeah“ - and he had been a pleasure to work with. „It’s Scotty, lass.“ you could still hear his voice ringing in your ears. He had even checked on you in the MedBay afterwards.  
Cassandra was still looking at you and you let out a small sigh, pushing the rest of the food away from you. „What could a man like that want from a simple security brute like me?“, you lifted your eyebrows. If you had her looks, well, that would be one thing. „He’s smart, he’s nearly a living legend.“  
„You’re being unfair to yourself, as usual“ Cassandra shook her head once more. You laughed at her remark „You know it’s true. You do. It’s always you bringing in the fish.“ - „That, my friend, is because I dare to throw my bait out in the ocean, while you’re not even going near water.“ Groaning you got up with her, brought your stuff away and left the mess. A pair of blue eyes followed your every movement out.


	2. Chance Meetings

„What was that?“ Kirk raised an eyebrow.  
„What was what?“ Scottys eyes flickered to his captain, grimacing.  
„You were watching that security officer over there.“  
„Dunnae what ya’r talkin’ about“ his accent grew thicker as he spoke.   
„Oh, you WERE watching her.“ the captain threw his head back with laughter. „Marvelous. And here I thought you only had eyes for a certain ship.“  
„While we’re speaking of it“, Scotty got up briskly „I got work to do.“ He could see Bones rolling his eyes, while Jim seemed most amused about the whole affair. Of course he was.   
The engineer looked down on his PADD. „Ya cannae leave those Ensigns alone for one minute!“ he waved to both Jim and Bones.  
„Don’t go hidin’ in a Jefferies Tube, Scotty! We ARE going to talk about this.“ „Are we?“ a hint of laughter and red flushed crossed his face.   
„Yes. You, Bones here for medical advice“, he slapped Lens shoulder, who „hmphpd“ at the prospect, „And me. I’ll bring Scotch.“   
Scotty gave him a thumbs up and vanished. What other choice did he have anyway.   
Kirk smirked at Len. „Come on. It’s going to be fun!“

The moment your head touched the pillow, your eyes fell shut - but sleep did not come easy to you that day. You were on night shift and thought you could probably catch a few hours of sleep before your work began. Before your inner eye, you saw another pair of eyes. Looking at you from the other side of the mess hall. Giving you half a smile. „It’s Scotty, lass.“. Good lord. You had it bad. And all because that ground mission and your stupid mistake. How embarrassing.

-4 weeks earlier -  
„Lieutanent Y/L/N!“, you turned around to your officer and saluted.   
„Sir?“ - „We got a signal from Solar 6, crashed Exploration vessel. A team of engineers will go down to assist with repairs, I want you to get Ensign Jefferson, Charmichael, Sanders and Bancroft to accompany you, you’re in charge.“ A big grin crossed your face which you quickly repressed.   
„Me, Sir?“. Your superior nodded: „Yes, see this is a chance.“ he tapped on his PADD „Chief Medical Officer McCoy presses that you should stay clear of the..“ he stopped reading, cleared his throat, and continued: „..the insects.“   
„Insects, Sir? What insects?“   
„No further specifications, really, just insects. Ugly ones. Dog sized ones.“ „Ugh. Okay, Sir.“   
„I’d say Rottweiler sized.“ he handed you over the schematics. You tried to find some positive associations, but the word ugly pushed itself to the front of your mind. And what was that sack for?   
„Yeah, definitely Rottweiler, not toy poodle.“ he mused and his stoic face broke into a small grin.   
„That’s your chance, people have started noticing you, Lieutenant Y/L/N.“ - „Thanks, Sir, I’ll not disappoint you.“

„Everyone on board Shuttle 3C-A, bound for Solfar 6. Everyone seated and ready.“ The shuttle started buzzing as you disconnected from the Enterprise. You took a deep breath. That was, strictly speaking, your first command. You were accompanying three engineers. Two of them you didn’t know, but you had seen their face once or twice in the mess, or in the bowling hall. But the other one. „Oh, lord..“ you muttered to yourself, earning you a side-eye from Ensign Jefferson. That was Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott you were escorting. Calm now, my heart. There is nothing to fear..   
A dead officer would put a sudden end to your career, sure. Death in general would put a sudden end to your career, now that you considered it, though. „So, ya know of anything we should be aware of?“, his voice broke your mantra of escalating doom. „Keep clear of the insects, Sir.“ you answered automatically - cool, professional, not freaking out. You took another deep breath. „Insects, ya say?“, he laughed and his laugh was disarming. You couldn’t resist but smile. „Dog sized, Sir, We’ll keep them off you. But they shouldn’t bother us anyway.“- „I’ve heard that one more often then ya would think“ he replied and with that leaned back and closed his eyes, grinning to himself.

Solfar 6 was hot and had a humidity of what felt like at least 300%. Just a bit more, and this would classify as a water planet which required breathers, you thought bitterly to yourself. Standing on your observation spot you felt sweat running down the back of your uniform. Cassandra would have to peel you out of that uniform when she was back.   
„AYE, ENSIGN JEFFERSON YOU WILL NOT DISTURB ANYTHING HERE.“ you yelled over to said Ensign. Ensign Jefferson quickly regained composure and went back to side eyeing a suspicious looking hill next to him. „You leave it alone, it’ll leave you alone. Just be on guard!“ - with that you made a mental note of talking to your officer. They would have to do a refreshing lesson on exploration-protocol with those ensigns. You let out a sigh and finished your glance over the site. Some people mingled, everything seemed relatively calm and the vessel crew was chatting with one of Scottys engineers. Talking of which - You turned your head to see him elbow deep in the vessel, rewiring a console and rambling:„They should’ve sent a u-boat here, not a space ship, the humidity’s corroding…talkin’ about common sense…“.   
His team scuttled about.  
„Status everyone?“ - 4 „Nothing to report, Sir“’s answered your communicator call. Taking a second look, you noticed you weren’t the only member of the Startfleet they’d had to peel out of their clothes, once back on the Enterprise. The Chief Engineer stretched and - oh lord stop looking if you cherish your career, Y/N. Yes, someone would have to peel him out of those clothes. That red shirt followed the back of his shoulders just beautifully right now. „Ensign! Ya’ll have to rewire that bit!“, he ordered. „Here, I’ll show ya…“. Your heart pumped hard. You could feel it’s beat in the back of your throat. Forcing your eyes away, you once more gave the situation a critical glance. Something had changed. You felt it, pulling somewhere in your gut. „Lieutenant Y/N, I think we’ll have some sort of situation here, pretty soon.“ Charmichaels voice cracked through the communicator. You turned around and saw him giving you small wave with his hand. Shadows moved in the surrounding bushes. „Sir, Mr. Scott, Sir. How long until this vessel is repaired?“ - „We’re practically done, although we’re not really ..“ something in your voice made him stop and look up. „What is it?“ - „I’d say we’re going to become friends with the local fauna, Sir.“. Those shadows grew bigger. „Don’t know why they’re here, or coming, not keen on finding out, Sir.“- „Alright, lass. I’ll patch that up and we’re done in a second.“

Things sped up from that moment forward - the crew of the vessel collected their things and boarded their small ship hastily. Engineering started to head into the direction of your own shuttle. „Jefferson, secure the way ahead, Charmichael, Sanders, you’ll escort our engineering friends, Bancroft, you stay with me, we’ll wait and escort Mr. Scott. All phasers set to stun.“ having said that, you strode over to Scotty. He was welding the last two pieces together. „Cannea leave it like tha’, might break on re-entry in an atmosphere.“, he mumbled. Bancroft jogged over to you, sweating and breathing heavily. „You’re not looking good, Bancroft. Catch up with the others, we’ll be there soon.“. The last thing you needed right now was an ensign, passing out while killer insects where approaching.

The shadows grew to be the ugliest thing you’d ever seen in your young career. A huge, bull like head that sat on top of at least 15 legs, heaving a sack filled with god-knows-what. Two pairs of mandibles dripped a violet fluid. „Sir, I don’t want to push you or anything, but Captain will have my hide if anything happens to you.“ - „Aye, lass, we’re done!“ Scotty glanced over his shoulder and grimaced. „That’s one ugly fella.“. He got up and nodded at you, your eyes locking for a short moment. „Then let’s go.“ grabbing his gear, you both turned to fall back to your shuttle.

Those insects did follow you, though. As far as your insect expertise went, they seemed rather unhappy with your presence, clicking their mandibles and approaching faster then you’d expected. „This is Lieutenant Y/L/N, we’re nearly there, get that machine going.“ you ordered and began a slow paced run. There was the ramp to your shuttle and you both were running now. „Prepare for take off as soon as we’re on board.“. There. Almost. Nearly there. Only a few more steps. Only ten more steps. Five. One of the insects buckled up. „MR. SCOTT - DOWN!“ - you only had a split second to react, jumping in front of the engineer and firing a single warning shot into the vague direction of those insects. „That was close.“, you said, laughed, got up - and then looked down your uniform. Violet liquid dripped down your leg. For a moment, everything seemed okay - then pain shot up your leg, intense, a burning sensation, as if someone had pierced your leg with a piece of burning steel. Your legs gave away, you slumped forward as a pair of arms grabbed you and pulled you up the ramp. You felt a breath in your neck. The ramp closed, the shuttle took off, but all you heard by then was blood pumping in your ears and a faint moan. Someone was in pain. You took one breath, then another. It was your voice, moaning. „Mr. Scott, Sir..“ your voice trailed off. „We need Bones on our return, one injured! Unknown fluid.“ that was Scottys voice, bellowing into his communicator. „Mr. Scott, Sir…“ - a face, soaked with sweat, appeared above yours. Dark blond hair, dripping, and a reassuring smile. Warm. The pain started crawling up your leg, as a medical assistant tied your leg off. The heat concentrated in your leg for a short moment, like a living entity - confused, waiting - then it started creeping up again. Determined to eat you up in liquid fire. „Mr. Scott, Sir .. thank you…“ you breathed, feeling your consciousness slowly dripping away. „It’s Scotty, lass.“ he answered, resting a hand on your shoulder. „Just Scotty, lass“ - and with that, your world turned black.


	3. Escort

„I remember that incident“, mused Leonard McCoy and furrowed his brows. „Why were you attacked in the first place?“  
Scotty and Jim took a swig of Scotch.  
„Turns out, they had crash landed their vessel on a nest of those beasts. Forgot to mention it of course. Can ya imagine that?“, the Scotsman exclaimed.  
„She handled that situation like a real champ, Captain.“ he continued and poured himself some more Scotch.   
„It’s Jim, when I’m off duty, Scotty, we talked about it - and she’s in for a promotion before next shore leave anyway, you don’t have to praise her - I read all the reports.“ the Captain grinned and emptied his glass in one go only to help himself to some more. For a moment the three of them sat there, drinking, caught up in their own thoughts.  
„So,“ Jim then began, „you really like that girl?“  
Scotty groaned, as the discussion turned to Jims new favorite topic. Again.  
„It’s irrelevant if I like her or not, Captain. I cannae expect a young woman like that to fall for an old mechanic like me.“, he finished his scotch, and stared down at the bottom of his glass. Then he reached for the bottle to fill up again. „She was stuck in medbay for days because of that. Because of me.“ - „Took me a good couple of hours to patch the kid up, too“, added the doctor and threw a glance at Jim, who just shook his head, laughing, before picking the conservation up again: „Maybe I should get Spock in on discussing this“ - at this, Scotty just muttered: „Ya are mad, that is what ya are.“ - „I suppose he would think the whole situation highly illogical.“ - „There’s nothing ‚illogical‘ aboot the whole thing, Captain. I’m not gonnae embarrass ma self. And that’s the last of it.“ With that, he finished another glass.

The one thing most Ensigns in Security were surprised by when they were assigned to the Enterprise, was how much of night shift was actually escorting more or less drunk people to their rooms. Once one put enough thought into it, this was of no surprise at all: Shore Leaves were far and wide in-between 5 year missions and people had to vent, some way or another. People fell in love, people broke up, people drank alcohol to „forget that idiot, he didn’t deserve you anyway.“.  
So escorting drunk people had always been part of your night-shift duty. And so far it had been a quiet shift and you enjoyed being alone with the humming of machinery and your own thoughts. Most desire to drink and party that the crew may have had, seemed to have been quelled by the outlook of a shore leave soon. The silent befor a a storm. Ensign Bancroft had escorted a nurse to her room who seemed quite intoxicated (”Do you need escort to your room, ma’m?”) and as far you gathered from communication this shift, someone had gotten into a fistfight in the bowling hall. That’s how things were. Emotions sometimes flared in confined spaces and security usually took the brunt. You took a jefferies tube prone to containing an engineer or two and which you made sure to peek into very carefully before entering, after you’d once stumbled over a very .. busy couple there. No snogging engineers this time. No engineer you’d like to get to know closer either. You sighed, took a vertical jefferies tube on your route and reappeared on a gangway.

Someone was leaning at the wall, an empty glass in hand. Just what you needed - some diversion. „Sir“, you said and approached the figure. The person moved it’s head in your direction. „Hello, Sir? Are you alright?“ as you got closer, you felt your heart skip a beat. „Just ol’ Scotty, lass.“, said the voice, more husky then you were used to. It tickled in your neck. „I’m sorry, Sir.. Scotty. I didn’t want to bother you.“. You had now reached him and in the half-light, he gave you a small smile. His eyes focused on you, he pushed himself from the wall, closer to you. You could smell alcohol. „Are ya well after that incident? I never really asked after ya got out of medbay.“ his voice was now barely a whisper. Dark. A shiver ran down your spine. You held your breath for a moment. „I am fine. Security, you know, we are hardy“, you managed a small nervous laugh and then continued:„Do you need escort to your bed?“ A second passed. Then another one. Realization dawned onto you upon your freudian slip like a bucket of ice being emptied over your head. He was close. Close enough for you to see his eyes search yours for something. Lips parted, he stared at you. „Room.“, you added. „Shall I.. escort you …“ Oh please „.. escort you to your room?“ Another moment passed and you felt heat flush your cheeks, your face was as red as your uniform now. „It is security procedure, to escort other crew members, if they …“, whom were you fooling? The scotsman stared at you. Only a few seconds had passed and you were babbling like an idiot. He was probably considering how to tell you off for your behavior in front of a Lieutenant Commander. „I am.. so sorry.. I am .. sorry … I .. I am on duty, Sir. I’ll have to continue my patrol.“ you stammered and ran away.

„YOU WHAT?“ Cassandra couldn’t stop laughing while you buried your glowing red face in a pillow.  
„Please tell me that one again, you said what?“ she exclaimed and actually fell over laughing, stretching out on her bed while you tried to figure out a way to beam you into earth’s core, or something similar. „I just.. slipped…“, you mumbled and felt the heat on your face intensify even more. „Slipped?“ your mate tried to catch her breath, tears rolling down her face. „I did tell you to throw your bait out, Y/N“, her laughter ebbed down to a constant giggle, „I did not tell you to throw the bucket with it. And the rod. And then drown yourself“ - „Oh, shut up“, you exclaimed and dared to look up for a moment. There was no possibility whatsoever that you would leave your or Cassandras room ever again. „I will request transfer…“ you stared blankly at her „or throw myself out of an airlock.“ - „You will do none of that, darling. You hear me?“ she straightened up from the bed and looked at you. Her lips twitched treacherously. „You are probably not the first person to spill her beans like that. Only the first one on this ship.“ - „Yes. That helps TREMENDOUSLY.“ you scoffed and went back to hide your face in a pillow. Cassandra moved over to you, sympathetically touching your shoulder. „Oh, come on now. Here’s what you’ll do…“ she pulled you into a hug and grinned: „Operation always .. and I say always .. goes on party together on the first night out.“ - „And then I throw myself out of the next airlock?“ - „No. No throwing out of airlocks. Here me out. You’ll go out with the rest of us. Go dancing. Get drunk. Not too drunk, mind you. As soon as you’re relaxed enough, you just go over to him and invite him for a drink.“ You groaned and hoped to spontaneously vanish from the Enterprise.


	4. Perspective

The commanding chief engineer of the Enterprise closed the door to his room behind him and leaned against it. He felt the cold of the metal at his back, seeping through his clothes. It sobered him somewhat, but not completely.  
 _„Should I escort you to your bed?“_  
Her eyes had widened. She had frozen before him, stammering. He almost felt the heat of her skin on his. So close.  
 _„Should I escort you to your bed?“_  
Yes. The thought had hammered in his head, sat on his lips, waiting to be said.  
He didn’t dare. She was ashamed. He could’ve taken that shame away in a second. Grabbed her hand and lead her away. He could’ve touched her lips in that very moment with his. Could’ve taken her by the shoulder, pressed her against the wall, fiercely, longing.  
 _„Should I escort you to your bed?“_  
Yes. Even now he felt the answer resting on his lips. He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. He couldn’t believe it. He had let her run away. Just like that. Stared blankly, while his inner mind processed what she had said. Fighting about what he should’ve answered. Duty or Passion?  
 _„Should I escort you to your bed?“_  
 _Bed?_ , a primitive part in the engineers heart had asked him, snarling: _I’ll make her mine right here and now._  
He felt heat rise to his face at the very thought of it, as his mind trailed off to explore the sheer possibility he had just missed. Montgomery Scott strolled through his room, grabbed a bottle of water, then abandoned it for a bottle of cheap scotch. Maybe he should go back, right now. Knock on her door, press his lips against her face, her neck, her shoulder, not leave that room of hers for a couple of days.   
He took a deep breath and a swig of scotch.  
No, he wouldn’t. Not now. He was, strictly speaking, off limits for her. He was a commanding officer. He would let her do her job.  
Another mouthful of Scotch. Sitting down on the edge of his bed he stared at the half empty bottle.  
She could be sitting here right now. No. Lying there. His mind created a picture of entwined limbs, next to him, beneath him, breathless sounds of pleasure, all his. He closed his eyes. How he could’ve pulled that uniform down, ever so gently exposing inch after inch of skin.  
„Lass.“, he muttered to himself. And smiled.

You lay on your bed, pillow on your face and contemplating the option of an airlock once more. Not honestly, but if a certain engineer might cross your way, you wanted to keep all options open. What an embarrassment. What an utter fool you’d made of yourself. The expression on his face. His eyes. There was something like the dark glimmer of coal in there, a feeling you couldn’t quite pinpoint. Nobody knew, but him and Cassandra. And maybe the Captain, if he decided to talk to anyone. Or the doctor. Spock. Every chief commanding officer on the ship, really. And their friends of course. And spouses. Secrets spread in a space ship, no matter how guarded they were. You cringed. „Lord, what did I do.“  
What would you have done had he said yes?  
„Die, on the spot“, you mumbled into your pillow. „Lights at 5%“, you added and took a deep breath. The lights in your room dimmed and then faded off to near darkness. Night shift was done, Alpha shift was about to start and you needed to get at least a few hours of sleep before shore leave. If it was anything like the stories, you’d be dead otherwise.

Your communicator beeped. You couldn’t have been asleep for long. Trying to ignore it, you turned around and pulled your blanket over your face. It wasn’t your turn in the rotation, why couldn’t people let you sleep for a moment?  
But, alas, the beeping persisted until you decided to pick it up. „Emergency away mission“, that was your commanding officers voice. „You’re in charge, you got 15 minutes to get ready and to shuttle 2“ - „Aye, Sir.“  
You jumped up and grabbed a fresh black undershirt and your red shirt. There was only little time to glance at your PADD. „SHORE LEAVE POSTPONED UNTIL YORKTOWN“, was the first message. That was two more weeks. So much for camping in the countryside. You could only imagine the captain grinding his teeth about a missed opportunity like this. Two more weeks to tiptoe around Scotty. Two more weeks to learn his schedule and up your game at avoiding him. You had a slight feeling that he might be better at navigating the jefferies tubes and gangways then you were. Alas. Next message: Distress Call. Ship was stranded. Two Security teams and some Engineers to be dispatched to resolve the situation. You got dressed and left your room, heading down to the shuttle bay. What a busy month you had.

No one seemed to take special notice of you when you arrived at the shuttle bay, at least not more then usually or expected. You preferred to keep it that way and when you got to the Shuttle, Cassandra was already waiting for you. You felt somewhat relieved, and as she talked to you, there was only a hint of twitching lips: „I’ll lead Team 2. You and your team will be the first to enter. Our PADDS have been updated with mission details.“ - „Great. Just what we needed. Some action.“ - „Still not the action you had in mind“, Cassandra quipped.   
„Oh, shut up“.


	5. Shock

„MEDICAL TEAM REQUIRED AT SHUTTLE BAY 2.“, Lieutenant Tahak signaled to the Enterprise. You would’ve hailed the Medical Team yourself, but you were too busy pressing down on Cassandras leg. „Stay with me, Cas, just stay with me.“, you said to her as calm as possible, remaining a professional facade. Just as you had learned in academy. What was it with those freak away missions in the last few weeks anyway? „How are you feeling, Cas?“, Ensign Bancroft did his best to tie off her leg. Carmichael was applying first aid to Ensign Mihan from Engineering. „G…Good.“, the voice of your friend was weak, but steady. You gave her a sympathetic pat on the arm. „Stay with me for just a bit longer, then, you don’t want to miss me embarrassing myself on shore leave, don’t you?“ you tried to sound reassuring and turned your head to the helmsmen: „How long ‘til we reach the Enterprise?“ - „Just one more minute, Sir.“  
Cassandra managed something of a giggle and a grin.  
„S..So.. you’re goin’ to ask him out, will ya?“ she muttered. You could see her consciousness slipping away. „If that’s what makes you stay with me right now“, you smiled down to her. Her breath was coming in small, short gasps now.  
„TOUCH DOWN IN 30 SECONDS, MEDICAL TEAM STANDING BY.“, your helmsman shouted.  
„There, we’re basically there“.   
„TOUCH DOWN IN 10 … 9 … 8 … 7 …“  
Your head started to feel dizzy for a moment. A soft shock went through the shuttle as you touched down. The ramp was pulled down and the medical team flooded in. „We got two people injured“, you said but of course they were already informed. A relieved sigh left your lips, as you staggered down the ramp: Cassandra and Ensign Mihan were transported off hastily, hypos were used faster then you could look. They were in good hands now.  
Space: 0 - Enterprise Crew: 1

Once again. You managed an exhausted smile.  
The shuttle bay seemed brighter then you remembered, but you tried to not be bothered by it. Your head started too feel light and your eyes seemed to lose focus. „Ah, shock.“, you said to yourself. „Better get to my room then.“ - you felt how the adrenaline pushed logical thought away and how wobbly your legs were. You knew the symptoms, of course. It happened to anyone. Someone called your name, but you didn’t care - focused on your room and on maintaining balance. That voice was far away. Maybe you should sit down for a moment. A giggle slipped from deep in your throat, making it sound alien. Now you were sure it was a shock. A couple of hours in bed, a cup of tea and writing your report would do. You had done this before. „Lieutenant Y/L/N“, the voice was sounding positively angry. „Stop. Right now.“, it was a dark voice. You turned around and saw the great doctor himself. He caught up to you in two long strides. God that men was gorgeous. Not your type but he was like an angry god descending upon you. An angry god, carrying a medical tricorder, which was promptly planted in your face. „You’re vitals are way off, kid, are you injured?“ - „What? No, Sir.“ you stifled a giggle. „Explosion in one of the engineering thingies“, you said and blinked slowly. That should probably not be the wording of your report later on, but at the moment it seemed as accurate as necessary „Right, engineering thingies.“, he muttered and continued his scan. „How’s Cas?“ - „I’ll tell you in a few hours. You’re in shock. I’ll give you a tranquilizer, you’ll stay in medbay for the day.“ he already waved over a stretcher, but you tried to decline: „No, seriously, Sir. I’ll just go shower, go to bed“, you stifled a giggle and straightened up, „and write my report after sleeping it all off.“ He was now growling: „Why does Security always have to argue with me? I am your doctor. You’re in shock. Medbay.“ - „Sir, please. It’s really nothing. We’re trained for this“ giggling again you probably did not make the best argument for your case, but adrenaline was a curious thing. „Good Lord, woman!“ he pushed you onto the next stretcher, nodding to the nurse and put a tranquilizer shot into your shoulder. „Off to medbay with her“, he scoffed, and that was the last of it.

Two away missions and out cold on both of them. The rest of your crew mates in Security would never have an end of it. You would have to spent a few drinks on shore leave, just to prompt them to forget that. Although, you thought, you weren’t out cold exactly and in this particular case it was foul play on behalf of the CMO. „I’m fine“, you mumbled as you were transferred to a biobed. „Is she STILL protesting?“, the angry gods voice crossed through the room, but steps quickly left and you sighed. Your eyelids were heavy, but you wouldn’t give up that soon. „Doctor gave you a mild sedative to ease the shock“, a blonde nurse next to you said. „I would really“, you tried to get up and grumbled as your plan did not work out. „ .. really like to just go to my room“. Mild. Yeah. Of course.  
Another voice pierced the buzz of medbay:  
„Hows Ensign Mihan doin’?“ - „They’re all fine. As in: Not dead or dying.“ the answer was a slow growl that was really too busy to deal with anyone right now, but it was the first voice that oozed through a thick layer of medicine to your half-awake brain.   
_Oh shit.  
It was Montgomery Scott._

Feet shuffled around and that voice was talking to someone. The blonde nurse - Chapel - was gone. He hadn’t seen you yet. Maybe you could just get up and sneak to your room? There was nothing more sobering in the universe then deep felt embarrassment.  
You test-wriggled your toes and got a positive response. Your arms moved too. Balance wasn’t fully there yet. You slowly moved your feet over the bed and to the ground. Just in case your eyes followed your feet to verify correct position.  
What had that Doctor given you? You had a slight shock, nothing more. Medics always had to blow everything out of proportion. It was this fundamental schism that made life with Medics so … interesting.  
 _„‚‘Tis nothing but a small laceration“, said the redshirt with the missing leg, and continued working_ \- you giggled at the thought.  
„Y/N!“, exclaimed that voice, thick with accent, concerned. Ah Shit.  
„Are ya alright? Ya not gonnae stand up, are ya?!“  
„Would be interesting to see her try“, Doctor McCoy raised an eyebrow at this.  
You pulled your lower lip between your teeth and mumbled something to yourself best not heard by anyone but the gods that may or may not be watching you.  
„What the hell happened to you?“ his voice got husky with worry, at which you felt flattered. Only then did your eyes notice the blood on your clothes, splattering that uniform of yours. „Oh“, you said. „Ya alright?“, he repeated and strode over to you. You blushed. His hair had that light red shine in the light, his face stern, furrowed with what looked like honest concern on the edge to becoming alarmed. „It’s not my blood“, you answered as if that explained everything, whispering and blushing and turning your head away. This day could not possibly get any worse.   
„Ya look like shit, lass.“ - his warm hand touched your shoulder without much hesitation. „And like ya could use a drink.“ the color of your face now matched that of your shirt, as you turned to look at him again. It was now in the range of possibility to not understand anything he said - blood rushed through your ears too loudly. „I just want to go to my room, have a good couple of hours of sleep and I’ll be fit as a fresh day.“ How could you not feel flattered by his concerned face? How his eyes were tracing you, as if there was no medical tricorder in the galaxy he’d trust until he’d made sure for himself?  
„Doctor McCoy here won’t let me“, you added. The engineers hand still rested on your shoulder, his thumb now drawing small absent-minded circles on your back as he turned to speak to the Doctor. You didn’t really listen to what he said at this point. The intimate gesture send goose bumps down your arms.  
„She can go in the evening, when I’m sure she’s got no internal injuries. And I’ve got no more time to discuss with bull headed people who think they’ve got several years of medical study covered, because they „feel like it“, and with that, Bones turned around, scoffing at a nearby nurse and made it ever so clear that this discussion was over.  
The smile on Scottys face as he turned back to you was more of a half grin - clearly satisfied with himself. It was the warm, slightly impish expression of someone confident that if he could handle a Warp Core at Warp 9, he could take on a few other challenges in his life. It was also the expression of a man with a plan, which only slightly intimidated you.  
„Ya heard the doctor, lass.“ his hand lifted from your shoulder. You already started to miss the warmth.

„So…“, he began and there was a glint of laughter in his eyes, „Shall I escort you to your … room this evening?“


	6. Chapter 6

„I …“ you stuttered and felt like this was somehow unfair. You had imagined this question, from him, from time to time, in a fashion. But the circumstances had always been a bit more … romantic. There was usually a dinner involved, when you romanticized about it. Maybe a friendly banter in the gangways, or a surprise meeting in the jefferies tubes (well, this situation did occur - but as you very well remembered did play out a bit differently then expected).  
You certainly had not expected to lie in a biobed, a sedative running it’s course through your body and splattered with the blood of your best friend.  
Cas.  
The thought slit through your mind, sharp and cold as a knife. Over all your girlish pining, you had, for a second, forgotten about her. You could see that the thought had made it’s way onto your face, as the Engineers jolly expression in front of you started to crumble with doubt.  
„Yes, please“ you spluttered, your cheeks flashed red once more, hurriedly trying to reassure him. „I’m just …“, you started and hushed. „It’s just … Cas .. my friend …“, once again his hand found it’s way to your shoulder. Warmth swept over you. „She’s hurt, you know.“ - „I’ll assure ya“, he offered a warm smile. You wanted to bath and bask in it’s compassion. „Bones’ doin’ everything he can, and tha’ man can do a lot, lass. Your friend’s in the best hands in the galaxy“. A small smile crept to your lips. „I don’t want to press ya into anything in a situation like this, lass“, he continued and the notion of what kind of „anything“ he implied made your heart jolt with hopeful joy. „Thanks“, you mumbled in response. His hand carefully brushed over your shoulder, just lightly. Your eyelids felt heavy, the sedative and the last few hours finally taking their toll on your body. „I’ll leave ya to sleep, and then I’ll get ya in the evening“ - his voice was but a whisper on the horizon of your consciousness, accompanying you into deep, dreamless sleep.

After the initial first hours of deep, comforting sleep came a period of restlessness - slipping in and out of sleep. You would hear people bustle around, open your eyes for a split seconds before diving back into dreamland. Once someone yelled through the medbay. You couldn’t make out what was said, but the tone seemed serious. When you finally woke, nightshift was nearly due and you felt a slight headache throbbing behind your brow. „Nurse..?“, you straightened yourself carefully, evaluating if you felt sick because of the pain, or because you hadn’t eaten anything today. „How are you feeling?“ her brown hair was long and wavy. You didn’t know her, but her smile felt reassuring. „I’m.. better. You got a painkiller? I got slight headache and.. uh…“ the recollection of what happened before you fell asleep came together. „I think..how is Cassandra? Is she okay?“ the nurse took a hypo and applied it to your upper arm. It only took a few seconds, but at the time the nurse finished her sentence you could already feel the pain subsiding. „She’s stable for now. A major artery was pierced by that accident. We’ll have to wait.“ her voice was full of warmth, comforting. „And..“ she added with the touch of a smile. „I think someone’s waiting here.“ - „Oh“, you said. „Mr. Scott, Lieutenant Y/L/N is now awake, you can come in.“, she said, winked at you and prepared to leave the room: „Don’t overwork yourself, try to distract yourself a bit - you won’t help her getting all worked up. The Doctor expects you for checkup tomorrow morning and you’re off shifts for at least two days.“ she nodded to you and as she strode out of the room, a blondish Engineer made it’s way into your room. His warm smile brightened your evening.

„Come, I’ll help ya get out of this bed“ he offered you his arm and you laid your hand onto it. Your hand shook a bit and you hoped he didn’t notice. If he did, he was a gentleman about it.. „Thanks for .. escorting me, Scotty.“ you smiled and got up, still feeling a bit shaky on your legs. „How’s you’re friend?“ he asked, searching your face for any emotion. „Stable. We’ll have to wait …“ you took a deep breath: „Just .. let’s get out of medbay … okay?“. The expression on his face softened: „Aye.“

The way to your quarters was not too far, but you were walking more slowly then usual, perhaps trying to extend the time you spent with your handsome companion. „I hope you’re not angry with me, but in light of recent events I filed a faux repair to ..uh… rig your replicator.“- „You ..what?“. He grinned at you with an impish grin. „I thought we might enjoy .. a meal together .. and you might enjoy some .. quiet after what’s happened… and standard replicator settings are good for everyday stuff, but I thought you deserved a treat after what had happened and there’ll be no need to go to the mess hall…“ he was babbling. You didn’t notice right away, but he was just getting this string of thoughts out of his system. Babbling. Not only you were nervous, but he was too. You stretched your fingers and the skin of your hand brushed against his, you felt hot blood flushing your cheeks again. „Thanks…“ you interrupted him „I’d really love to have dinner with you“ you said gingerly, beaming up at him. You could swear his cheeks just exhibited the tiniest amount of red. „A’right, lass.“. For the rest of the way you walked in silence, simply enjoying each others company. Arriving at your quarters you unlocked them and stepped inside.  
„It’s … probably a bit more cramped then you’re used to…“ you mumbled, shifting sneakily over to the chair where a pair of socks was lying around. „It’s fine, lass“, he smirked. Of course, he’d been here to work on your replicator. „We.. we got a small table .. and.. uh .. we can move the stuff away“, just as you started to shuffle around, he put his hand on your shoulder and squeezed you gently. „Stop it, lass. Go get a shower, I’ll take over the rest.“ you opened your mouth to protest, but he just shook his head. „Doctor McCoy will have my head if you strain yourself now.“  
After that you spent the next few minutes in limbo: While you quickly showered in the bathroom, he would yell the occasional questions and you replied over the running water.  
„What’s your favorite food?  
„Ya got plates?“  
„Knife and Fork?“  
„Ya want somethin’ special to drink?“  
When you got out of your bathroom, hair still damp and with fresh clothes, he waved you off as you tried to help him.  
„Sit, Lass, ya dinnae wanna be responsible for the Doctor bein’ angry with me, do ya?“  
„Here we go“, his smile was bright and captivating. He set two plates in front of the both of you. He had even cleaned that table of papers that had been lying around. „Thanks, Scotty .. enjoy your meal?“ you grinned and felt how the pressure of the last few hours slowly peeled away from you, layer by layer. After you had passed the first awkward moments, conversation began to flow easily between you. Laughing and smiling you found that you really enjoyed each others company.  
„So … one of the Ensigns said: ‚Nah, he’s never going to notice‘ and just downed the whole thing in one go“, Scotty laughed and you had tears in your eyes. „When we get first on board“, you began while the Engineer got up and cleaned the table, „we’ll have a crossing-the-line-ceremony in Security, you know, after we leave earth“ He lifted his eyebrows: „I didn’t know. Tell me more.“

„It’s a bit mean, although it does end with one big illegal party“, you continued and he stifled a laugh: „I bet it does“.  
„Well, we get the new Ensigns, fresh from Starfleet Academy, blindfold them and walk them down into the belly of the ship into a jefferies tube. Afterwards we measure the time it takes for them to get back to a designated quarter.“ you cleared your throat, but grinned. It was not nice, but it was fun, everyone did it and the Ensigns were welcomed as heroes, when they finally arrived.  
Montgomery Scott let out a single loud laugh: „Ya don’t?“ - „Yeah, we do. But we do lose someone occasionally“, you winked at him. „How did you do?“ - „Ah..“ you blushed, which of course made him push you for more information. „Come on, you can tell ol’ Scotty here“.  
„I .. got kinda lost…“ you giggled - you had had no drink tonight, but a warm feeling filled your belly anyways. „Ran an engineer over that was just fixing something and in the end I knocked on the wrong quarter and woke up my senior officer who was of course not amused.“ He started to laugh first, but you joined him soon afterwards. It was one of those memories that got funnier the more time passed.

You were interrupted in your laugh by the beeping of Scottys communicator. He glanced at it, then sighed and shot you a look somewhere between embarrassment and deep regret. „I’m sorry lass, but I’ll have to get that.“, he got up and you followed him to the door. „Thanks..“, you began:„That was.. very nice of you Scotty, you didn’t have to…“. You already felt sorry for the abrupt end of a perfectly wonderful evening, and he certainly looked the same.  
„Shush, lass. ‘t was nothing.“ the door was now half open, but he still stood there.  
„I…“, your sentence got lost after the first word and you smiled awkwardly up to him.  
„I enjoyed the evenin’, lass.“, his voice was nearly a whisper now. You held your breath and followed an impulse to get closer to him. His eyes searched yours, for a second, and then you felt warm lips on yours, touching you carefully, as if asking for permission. You let your breath out in a sigh, heat flushing to your face and leaning into the kiss. As if he had waited for it, he closed the distance between you and his arms closed around you, pulling you in closer, longingly. „Y/N“, he mumbled at your lips and your hands reached up for his back, his neck, felt his muscles tensing. All despair was wiped from your mind, your body filled with heat and surprise and breathless happiness. You never had thought, never hoped for that. His right hand slid down to the small of your back and you tried to inch even closer. You opened your mouth, as did he, your tongues touching. He lifted his other hand to your neck, his grip firm. You could feel how rough the tips of his hands were from work and shuddered as you imagined those hands exploring more then just your neck.   
His communicator beeped again.  
And again.  
„Dammit“, he growled. You slowly, unwillingly separated at the third ring of the device.  
„I’ll need to get tha’, lass. I’m so sorry.“, he ran his hand through his hair, as if to compose himself. His tongue ran over his lips, looking at you again. A lopsided smile appeared on his face.  
„Get some rest, Y/N“ he bent over to you and his lips brushed yours once more, then he was gone.


	7. Times Ending

The Enterprise was silent.  
There was no humming of machinery that reached your ear.  
No thunderous feet running through gangways.  
The whole ship had come to a stop, if only for you.  
The silence pierced the ship and your heart with it.  
Don’t dare they run or talk or laugh.  
Time had stopped and silenced your universe.

_„Y/N“ the CMO huffed and tried to grab your shoulder_  
„Y/N I need to check you up“ fury gripped your heart, wiping everything else from your soul to save you from a moment of pain.  
„You didn’t tell me.“ you spit and wheeled around. „When, Doctor McCoy. When did you want to tell me?“  
He stood there and just watched you for a second, furrowed brow and worried dark eyes.  
„You were never supposed to learn about it by accident. It happened half an hour ago.“ and he got closer and put his hand on your shoulder and it was the heaviest your body had ever felt. All self preservence crumbled away and time had stopped. 

No more.  
She was no more.  
A bucket of ice filled the part of your body where your heart once was.  
It left you cold and numb against the world outside and quenched all tears.  
There was nothing left any more.  
Only silence and grief, gripping your mind with fierce intent.  
Only silence was left, no knocking on your door, no shuffling feet, no voices calling your name.  
You pulled back into your quarters, without light or life to accompany you.  
The softness of your bedlinen felt like needles piercing your skin.

_„Sit down, Y/N“, the doctor’s voice was warm and kind. You had never heard him like that, but did barely notice. You just stood there staring at him, hot tears streaming down your face. You sobbed - not the refined sob of a sad day, but the ugly heart wrenching sound of an dying animal. „Lie down. I am sorry, Y/N.“ his voice was like a mantra in your head, but you shoved his hand off your shoulder and wiped your eyes in an attempt to see. „Leave me“, your voice broke and you croaked. „Leave me, Doctor.“ you turned around, away from medbay and out on the gangway. „Y/N! DAMMIT WOMAN!“ he shouted after you and there was a hushed conversation with Chapel that followed. You didn’t have the capacity to listen to what they said. You were sure it were words of compassion and worry. You hated every one of them._

The bucket of ice in your heart melted - burnt away by a raging flame that took all your ability to rationalize away. It burnt away any sense of time you had. It burnt away any compassion or good word you might have had for your crew mates. You yelled unintelligible curses. A Plate from your cabinet broke on the wall and you screamed the most primal of screams, hate and despair and sorrow filling your lungs, longing to be freed. That was the moment you broke down sobbing. The moment your world finally crashed down around you. You felt an alternating current of ice and fire raging in your chest, leaving you numb and lifeless to the outside world.

_It could not be._  
It could not be.  
It shouldn’t.  
Why. Why her. Why not you.  
You stumbled through the gangway.  
A voice yelled behind you: „Y/N!“ but you ignored it.  
„Lass! Stop! Just stop!“ the voice barely made it through to your consciousness.  
You shut the door behind you, locked it with your passcode, typed in blinded by tears.  
Someone knocked at your door.  
What could they want. What could matter right now. Anymore.   
Nothing. 

„Scan for life signs“, the scot demanded. The look in his eyes left no space for discussion of any kind. He seemed taller, more aggressive then the Doctor had ever seen him. The things love did to a person. „She’s fine, Scotty.“, the Doctor sighed.  
„She’s everything but fine! Ya cannae seriously think that!“ there was fury in his voice, fueled by deep rooted concern. Bones shook his head: „She is, physically, fine. She is in grief. The news is barely 3 hours old.“ The scotsman started pacing the CMOs office, which led the latter to roll his eyes. „I feel sorry for those two. It was a tragic accident.“, Bones started again: „But there is nothing we can do for either of them. She’ll need time.“  
Scotty shot him an ugly, helpless look.  
„She’s suffering.“ he said and shrugged helplessly. „She does nae react when I knock. I heard her scream.“  
„It’s a normal part of grief, Scotty.“ McCoy sounded tired and for the first time during this whole affair, the Engineer remembered that not only had this young woman lost her best and closest friend, but the Doctor had lost a patient he had fought for since midnight. He could see it in the wrinkles around his eyes. The weariness in his posture. He would never say anything, never complain. Good old McCoy.  
„I’m sorry“, mumbled the Scotsman, shoulders hanging in defeat.  
„Don’t be“ McCoy got up: „Be there for her. She’ll let you in, eventually. I’m monitoring her life signs, but she needs to work through her emotions now. It’s not the first time something like this has happened, you know.“  
„Aye“  
Bones gave him a consoling pat on the shoulder.

„Lass…“ a knock on your door. „Open the Door, Lass.“  
You lifted your hand and blindly tapped at your PADD, lying next to your bed. You heard the door open and soft steps walk across your room.  
„I’m .. I’m so sorry, Lass.“


	8. Chapter 8

He walked quietly through your room, careful not to make a noise. For all you cared he could’ve been roaring and trumpeting like a zoo and you wouldn’t have noticed. His brow was furrowed, those dark blue eyes of him watching you closely, pinched together as if he’d been staring at a sun lately. His jawline straightened grinding his teeth. For a second he stood there, just watching you, then he sat down carefully on the edge of your bed - not too close, but not distant either. He was well within your comfort zone, the knowledge where you needed him to be seemed to come to him instinctively. „I cannae say anything that’ll make this easier“, he said and the warm timbre of his voice felt comforting. Tears streamed down your face - uncontrolled, your eyes red and swollen. You felt the weight of his hand on your shoulder, his fingers carefully caressing your arm. „I can just be there for ya, if ya wanna.“ the scotsmans voice was thick with accent, he swallowed hard. All you managed was a small nod, nearly invisible to the eye. „Aye“ - his lips trembled with a weak smile and he just let you lie there and cry, his presence reassuring and comforting.

You didn’t know how long he sat there - eventually, when the sobbing subsided, he scooted to the bottom end of the bed. Slowly drifting off to merciful sleep you felt a tug on your shoes, but were too tired to be bothered by it. That’s how you fell asleep.

You woke again in the middle of the night and after a blissful moment of oblivion, memory hit you like a hammer. Clenching your jaws together you felt another wave of tears coming and - unable to fight it back or rationalize it away - let it pass through you. It took a while, but ebbed away eventually, leaving you exhausted and drained.  
Only then did you notice that you weren’t wearing your boots anymore - neither did you wear your red shirt. But your blanket was carefully tucked around you. You picked yourself slowly up, absent mindedly brushing a strain of hair out of your face, and found your clothes neatly folded at the bottom of your bed. You were only wearing your black undershirt and your trousers. Letting your gaze wander the room you found a note next to your communicator on your nightstand - the light in your room was set to roughly 5% for what was considered nighttime on the Enterprise. „Lights 25%“ you were surprised at how gravely your voice sounded. Then you picked it up and read:

_„Y/N_  
I wanted to let you sleep as much as you could. There’s some cocoa at your bed.  
I programmed quick dial to my communicator into yours - Call me, if you need anything.  
Will be back after Alpha Shift.  
Yours  
Monty“ 

You put the note away, feeling a smile deep down in the knotted chaos of feelings in your gut, and took the cocoa. Cas had loved cocoa and that hammer hit you again, hot tears dripping into your cup.  
It took a while for your tears to dry up again and finally drink. Although not hot any more, you felt heat spread in your stomach. It was the thought behind it that counted. You slid back under the blanket and slipped into restless dreams.

When you woke again, lights were already up - it had to be well into alpha, you guessed, but weren’t sure. You felt somewhat dizzy - as if someone had dumped vodka soaked cotton in your head and forgotten about it. The empty mug was still on your nightstand and somewhere deep down you felt a smile carefully plucking at your nerve cordes, but it was all lost in that dull fog surrounding you. Maybe a shower would do you some good. You didn’t know. After that first shock had subsided it was as if all certainty had left your world and you were not sure how to get it back.  
You grabbed your comm and stared at it.  
 _Call me, if you need anything._

Reliable as you had expected him to be it knocked on your door three times sometime after you had a quick shower. „Come in“, you said, your voice flat. The scotsman let himself in, balancing a plate on his left hand. „ Brought food“, the door swooshed close behind him and he turned around to face you. „Ya’ven’t eaten anythin’, haven’t ya?“ his voice balanced on the edge between worried and caring. You shook your head.   
„Didn’t feel like it.“  
„I understand, lass. But ya’ve got to eat.“  
He put the plate in your hand so you had to grab it and grinned at his own ingenuity. He fetched a fork and a knife: „Eat, Lass. At least a bit.“

The two of you sat there in silence for quite some time but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. You picked at your food, shoving some in your mouth - it was tasteless and of odd consistency to you - and then resigned. It was of no use. You got up and put the plate away, Scotty carefully watched you, and then you sat down again, next to him.  
„Anythin’ I can do for ya?“  
„Thanks, Scotty“  
„Monty“  
A weak smile flashed across your face, it lasted maybe a second, but it was long enough for him to catch it.  
„I really mean it, though. I know there’s not much I can really do and the Doctor said you’d need time, but …“ he stopped as he realized for himself that he was starting to ramble again.  
„Thank you, Monty.“  
He smiled at that.  
„Thanks for being here.. with me.. right now..“ a lump swelled in your throat. „I really don’t know“ you swallowed hard but that lump resisted.  
„I … I don’t even know what time we have right now.“ the last part of your sentenced got crushed by that lump in your throat and tears swelling up und crashing down your cheeks again.  
„Now, now“, he mumbled and pulled you into his arms. You smelled oil and electronics and steel and him and his warmth seeped through your clothes into you. It felt good and bad. Good because of the closeness to him and his careful arms wrapped around you and so bad because there was that weird guilty sensation (How could you feel even a bit of happiness now, that she was dead?) and because you ruined his red shirt with what felt like a thousand tears splashing down.  
„Poor Y/N.“ he mumbled close to your hair and you felt the ruff of his chin scrape over your left cheek. He hadn’t shaved.  
„I’m .. sorry … ruining .. your shirt.“ you sobbed but Scotty only shook his head.  
„You should see how many the Captain ruins on a single away mission“ he answered and for a moment you felt a giggle bob up in your chest.

And so you cried for a while, carefully wrapped in his arms. After that you felt a bit better and thanked him again, awkwardness creeping up on you. He asked you if you wanted to talk, but you declined because you weren’t up to it. Yet. Since you enjoyed each others company, he was simply content with sitting at your table - it was surely meager to what he was used to in his quarters you thought - and reading a few reports „to make sure everything kept running“, as he put it. The Engineer started to talk about the Warp Core at some point, how it performed, some techno stuff you didn’t understand but found oddly calming. That’s how beta shift had slowly faded and the lights in your room started to dim. You lay on your bed, legs pulled up to your chest and slowly drifting in and out of sleep. You hadn’t noticed how he had stopped working and was just watching you, making sure that you were feeling better. „I better go now“, he said and you raised your head, feeling alarmed at first. „Should I stay?“ - „I can’t take up all of your time.“  
Thereupon he stared at you for a long while. Long enough that you started to fear you had said something wrong. But instead of saying something he just walked over, it felt like hours before he did, and sat down on the other side of the bed. He took off his shoes and after that slipped over to you on the bed and pulled you back in his arms. „I’d love to give ya all the time ya want, if ya haven’t noticed already.“. You exhaled, he was so close and you finally stretched your legs and became the little spoon. It felt natural. „Thanks“, you murmured once again. His lips touched the back of your head and you slowly drifted away to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

„How are you?“ his voice was barely a whisper, the words a faint ghost of a pain felt yesterday.  
„Better“ It was no lie as you lay there, the warmth radiating from his body, his hands idly caressing your shoulder. Yes, there was still pain. But it had hidden, back in the corner of your mind, overthrown by a desire to live and be. You feel it’s faint throb, it’s dull ache in your heart. It would be long before it finally faded and be reserved for special occasions. A strange twilight zone were one part of you was still occupied by death and loss while the other strived to enjoy life all the more. You shuffled around to face the engineer, your eyes searching for his.

The hand that was caressing you before crept up and cupped your face gently. His eyes were searching yours, reading the truth they found there. Not good, yet, but better. A sleepy smile crossed his lips. „That’s good, my lass“.  
Another reality crept upon you at that. The one were you, Y/N, woke up with the Enterprises Chief Engineer in your bed and he smiled at you. His dark hair was messy from nights rest, blue-ish eyes still heavy with the remainder of sleep. That faint smile from yesterday tugged at your nerve chords again and finally reached your lips, spread carefully over your face. His thumb rubbed over your cheek, touched your lips gently. „Doctor’s gonna insist on seeing ya today“, he blinked slowly and moved his thumb from your lips, down to your chin, lifting your face up to him. „I should probably get in a presentable state until then“, you muttered. „Ya’re perfect as ya’re.“ answered the engineer and his kiss and intent felt like the relieving breeze one felt after a summers storm.

For a while the world revolved only around that kiss of yours: Slow and deliberate, tasting each others lips, creeping closer inch by inch, opening up to each other. The tip of his tongue, the sensation of heat and desire, burning away your sadness for a moment. The hand that was cupping your face, slid downward, barely touching the skin of your neck with his fingertips. You shuddered and felt how his lips moved into a grin, at which you separated from him. He watched your for a second, all breathless himself, and the kiss that followed was pressed hard on your lips. A heated, passionate kiss that stole your breath away and made you shiver. The fingertips resting on your neck became a grip on the back of your head, pressing you at him, as if he wanted to imprint himself on your lips. As fast as that kiss came, he released you again, leaning his forehead onto yours. „I …“ you stared at him, waiting for him to finish the sentence, but that never came. „Ya’re cheeks are all red, my love“ he said instead, his voice dark and coarse. How could you not, after such a kiss. After a kiss that made you forget everything, bodies pressed against each other. Seeing and feeling his reaction towards you. The soft pressure of him a little bit lower down against your hips speaking volumes. He carefully rolled over to the side, turned you gently onto your back, lifted himself over you, then leaning on his arms and knees right and left of you. You could only feel the barest hint of his weight on you but the implication sent another shiver down your spine, collecting heat somewhere deeper in your body. When you reached up for him your hands were shivering and he gave you another one of that cocky grins as he let you pull him into your next kiss. He lifted one of his knees from resting next to you and slid it over your thigh, slowly pushing your legs apart and, when you willfully made space for him, following with his other knee, carefully lowering himself onto you as a lover would. Even if still clothed in your nightwear (both of you wearing long shorts and standard issue black undershirts) you could feel the soft pressure against the most delicate skin as he let you feel more of his weight. He moved his hips deliberately against you as he settled down comfortably, eliciting the softest moan from your lips.  
„This is gettin’ out of hand really fast“  
His right hand moved down your side until it could creep under that shirt of yours, rough fingertips brushing your skin. The weight of him on you was now a promise, as his hand crept up again, now under your shirt.  
„It .. really is“ your voice trembled lightly, excited, a bit nervous maybe.  
„Is this… okay for you? Today?“ the question fell from his lips and you held your breath, unsure what to say. His hand stopped immediately.  
„I’m not sure“, there was still another weight, invisible, sitting on your chest right next to the amazing experience you felt you were ruining.  
Scotty shifted and lifted himself on his knees again.  
„I want this to be special for ya,“ he said and smiled down to you. You wondered how much kindness this man had to give. „If.. ya want at all, I mean.“ he took a deep breath before he continued: „But this is a difficult time for ya, and I know how that feels. How lonely ya can feel. And I consider myself a men of honor.“ You could see in your eyes how much he wanted this.  
„I think I’ve fallen in love with you“ you spilled and held your breath for a second. „And I .. I’d love to have … that with you, and you feel incredible where you are right now, but… “  
He leaned down and nipped at your lower lip: „It’s alright, my love. If ya really want an old fool like me, we’ll find an occasion as beautiful as you are.“ You cherished how he called you ‚my love‘ and already missed how close the two of you had been.

* * *

 

„Y/N much better then before, you can get up now.“ McCoy was clearly satisfied with your biobed readings. „Don’t walk away yet, sit down.“ he was also very good at the matter-of-fact voice. He didn’t really ask you to do something, he simply stated what you would do next and you did. End of discussion.  
Since you already had your share of discussions with the Doctor this week you sat down next to him and folded your hands in your lap.  
„I assume Mr. Scott has been looking after you?“, he stated this more then he really asked and you suspected that you and Monty were the hot small-talk at the officers mess right now.  
„He is very kind, Doctor McCoy,“ you answered not willing to tip your toe into the waters of that talk.  
„He is, indeed. And he seems very fond of you.“, you could not possibly decipher that look he was shooting you right now. Was he trying to give you the talk? By god, you were not that young.  
You cleared your throat: „I am very fond of him too, Doctor.“ He nodded at that. You couldn’t read that mans face to save your life. Absolutely impossible. Luckily for you he changed subject almost immediately.  
„That’s good to hear. There’s another thing, though, I need to talk to you about.“ he looked more stern then before all of a sudden, but there couldn’t be any more bad news this week. Impossible.  
„Lieutenant Cassandra Maximoffs burial will be held tomorrow evening“ - something icy dropped into your stomach and opened up a gate of emotions you had just hoped to seal for a while. „You were her closest friend“, the past tense in his words stung more then anything before, „and your Commanding officer thought it best that you held the eulogy.“ That icy thing in your guts clenched it’s claws into your lower body. „Only if you want“, he added hastily and put a hand on your shoulder. Looking up at him you knew he meant it. „I will.“ no one else could. Her family was on earth. He nodded. „Doesn’t need to be much. Just a few words.“

* * *

 

Though your quarters were small, they had never felt so empty before. Cas had been there often, lying around on the bed, laughing with you. She’d been there since Starfleet academy, when she threw her stuff into the bunk next to yours and greeted you with a beaming smile. She’d always been the outgoing one. The one that was so secure about everything. If you’d led her team, maybe …  
You stopped the thought right there and took a deep breath. She should’ve been the one to write an eulogy. It would’ve been marvelous, heart wrenching, beautiful. She could touch people.  
You stared at the empty bed, where you had lain with your .. well.. engineer only hours ago. Grabbing your PADD you fled your room and hit short dial on your communicator.  
„Scott here. What is it?“ you were silent for a moment.  
„It’s me, Monty, I…“ another deep breath.  
„Everythin’ alright, lass?“ you heard how you had his full attention. Even just hearing it, you felt how it started to thaw the lump of ice.  
„I’ll… have to write an eulogy.. burial tomorrow“ tears threatened to choke you again, but you bit them back with bitter determination. „Could I .. I don’t know… hang around at your place?“ - Because the room you had spent so much time with her felt like a grave now, when you were alone there. As if that room held all your tears and sorrow. But you didn’t tell him that. There were no words to express it.  
„Ah. I got ta finish my shift, lass“ your heart sank.  
„Oh“  
„So I hope ya’ll be alright with spending an hour or two alone until I can finish up?“  
„Oh.“  
„I’m so sorry, I’m in the midst of some calibration for the warpcore, but I’ll give ya access right away and I’ll be there as soon as possible.“  
„Thanks, Monty.“

Being a Chief Commanding officer on the Enterprise sure did have it’s benefits, the quarters being one of them. He had like - a real kitchen sort of thing, a small office space and a very nice bathroom. There was even a small couch. Unsure were sitting would be acceptable you decided for the couch after a quick glance over:

> \- The Office part was definitely off limits to you  
>  \- The bed seemed off, somehow, although you vividly remembered making out with that man earlier this morning.  
>  \- The couch seemed to be the most non intrusive

Sitting down and looking at your PADD, you saw condolences for the loss in your mail for the first time. You sighed, glanced over them and closed them, there was also an email clarifying the exact time of the burial tomorrow. You started to write.  
When Montgomery Scott arrived a few hours later, you had written two short versions. You lay on your back, staring blankly at the ceiling, head empty. „Ah, there ya are“. He smiled. Straightening up from the couch you smiled back, although weakly, and stood up. Warmth seemed to come back to your body. „Not be rude or anything, lass, but I better not touch ya right now“ lifting his hands he laughed heartily. Only now did you see the oil covering his hands, the streaks of oil and dirt on his face. A big black spot was covering the starfleet insignia on his chest. „I better not even ask“, you grinned. „I’ll just get showered and changed and have ya already eaten somethin’?“, without thinking about it - or on purpose, you were only half sure about that - he pulled his red shirt and his undershirt over his head, throwing it absent mindedly on a chair next to the bathroom. You could not help it but stare: he was slender, but you could see muscles moving, perfectly able to carry whatever machinery needed to be carried by hand. His built was not impressive in the classic sense, but the way his neck curved down and how the shoulders followed and led to his back… Only after you had allowed your eyes to travel a bit further down - how could you resist - did you look up again, just to see him smirking. You blushed. „I’m sorry“ your apology was nearly inaudible. But instead of saying something, he just laughed and opened his belt, pulling it from his trousers. You knew that you were probably looking like a fool with your mouth a bit open. He wiggled his eyebrows, taking off his trousers and walked into the bathroom only wearing his shorts.

That night he lay on his back, just in his shorts like before, and your head rested on his chest, listening to him breathe. You had talked about the funeral tomorrow and you had cried some more and he had held you and promised to be there. Now his hands once again idly stroke your back.  
„What are we, anyway, now?“ you asked, tired and half asleep. Comfortable and shielded from the horror that would be tomorrow in his arms.  
„What would ya like us to be?“ his voice vibrated in your ear.  
„How about .. like… a couple?“  
A moment of silence stretched between the two of you.  
„I’d like that, my love.“


	10. Chapter 10

„Lieutenant Cassandra Maximoff was, first and foremost, a friend to many of us.“  
The words, though chosen with love and spoken while biting back tears, sounded hollow in your ears. You hated saying them, because they felt like a lie to you.  
Your mouth moved, but your mind was far away. If you concentrated on this speech, you’d break down in front of everyone gathered here. So many had come. You weren’t surprised exactly - burials somehow always attracted all different kinds of people - but it was easy to forget just how popular Cas had been. Your world had revolved around her for such a long time, you had forgotten to notice anymore. It stung.  
Half of security was there, it seemed. It was a stern faced crowd, eyes focused on you.  
You saw science blues and commanding yellows here and there. Some faces you knew, others you had seen fleeting by, some were unknown to you. There was Engineer Mihan - the man she had died protecting - and the stony expression of his faced was carved with guilt. His right arm was in a sling and, yes, there was a nurse perching on his shoulder. McCoy had probably insisted. Captain Kirk was there - he turned up at every burial. To your knowledge he’d never missed a burial, not when circumstances allowed it. Being in security, the division with the highest death rate, you’d seen a couple of burials already and were well accustomed to Kirk being there.  
And next to him was … Monty.  
He donned his grey uniform jacket with the choker, tight-fitted and accentuating his slender build perfectly. He stood there and the expression in his face was enough to make your heart overflow. With him, you would’ve been able to take on the universe itself.

„When I first met her, we were both in starfleet academy. Same year, but she already seemed capable taking care of everything the world would throw at her.“  
Everything but this damn mission. There was not even a fire fight. You had gone in to accompany the engineering team, there was something wrong with the nacelles or whatever it was - it had heated up and they had been to slow and the fucking thing exploded and pierced her leg and scattered an arrangement of metals on and into everyone nearby that would’ve made an metallurgist envious. It was an accident. A stupid freak accident. One moment they’d been smiling and laughing because it was all a piece of cake that didn’t even require you to do real work. Maybe if you were more cautious … maybe you could’ve … no. There were no ifs and buts.

„Lastly, Cas would always believe in her friends. Her last words…“ you stopped and Bancroft and Mihan who’d have been there, just before the explosion, managed to smile and cry at the same time. „Her last words to me where a question. She had asked if I were going to ask a boy out.“ a grin crept on your lips and you felt tears running down your cheeks. A burial was always a last goodbye. Last chance. „She always believed that, even if you contemplated jettisoning yourself out of an airlock, you should never give up on your dreams and hopes. Never letting reality get the best of you. She was the person to strive for the best in not only herself, but everyone around her. And this is something that we should always remember, if only in her honor.“  
Silence.  
You stepped down from the little podium, right into Scottys arms. His hands caressed your arms gently. The rest? The rest was ceremony.  
Captain Kirk stood up to say a few words about starfleet and the line of duty, but you didn’t listen anymore.  
„Goodbye, Cas. I’ll try not to make an ass out of myself without you.“ you whispered.

* * *

 

A burial always provided a closure, even if people thought they didn’t need one. It was some sort of a reset button that would allow you to finally ease back into a daily routine.  
Of course it would never be the same as before - it was the nature of a loss to fundamentally affect your life. Nonetheless you eased back into routine, even if it wasn’t the one you were used to. There were slight changes that would catch you off guard sometimes, but as time passed and shore leave approached it got slowly better.  
First you started patrolling again, the easiest of all your duties. Patrols on alpha gave you a great opportunity to see and meet people all over. Beta was always busy. Nightshift were the times to ponder on life and coming shore leave. Discussions amongst operation where to take the party to on Yorktown were already heated. There were a couple of clubs that had been suggested by crew members who’d already been to Yorktown, but the debate would surely dominate mess hall for the next couple of days until arrival. You had decided not to interfere, as you would attend day one of the party - but had planned on spending at least some amount of time with your boyfriend. If he wanted to. You hadn’t actually gotten around to ask him for his plans and some of the guys had already been chiding you for it. They were, of course, right.

* * *

 

„Ya know, lass“ Scotty scooted around in his room, while you lay on his bed, stretching and holding a hand-to-hand-combat manual over your head, lazily eyeing the pictures depicted there. „This picture here is complete bullshit, Monty.“ you turned the book around to show him the picture and he raised his eyebrows as he examined the picture. „Looks painful to me.“ you laughed at his answer: „Yeah, but it’s bullshit, if you shove your arm around someones neck like that, it’s completely ineffective. You should just grab his other shoulder with the arm that’s around his neck, you know …“ He cautiously shook his head and smiled at you: „Remind me to never get in a fight with ya.“ The engineer chuckled and you rolled your eyes, throwing the book to the site and looking at him. „What where you saying before?“ A sigh left his lips and he leaned back on his office chair, crossing his arms in front of him. „Ya know, I’ve thought … it’s a bit crazy, I admit it. But maybe … I’ve talked to the Captain and he doesn’t care .. well… he does care of course, but it’s our decision he says, and …“ - „Spill it. You’re babbling worse then I am.“ He cleared his throat. „I thought, maybe, ya’d want to share rooms with me.“ At that you stared at him dumbfounded. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind. Not with everything that had happened. And the fact that you were merely a thing for about 2 weeks now. You did spent an awful lot of time at his quarters, though. Well, actually - both of you spent most of your free time here, apart from your excursions around the ship. „I …“ you began, still somewhat wordless.  
„Not right now, of course, ya’ll keep your quarters and all, but.. maybe after Yorktown .. maybe when ya’re more sure about this, I thought … thought this sounded nice.“  
A smile tugged at your lips and at that he came over to the bed and positioned himself over you. „We should .. explore that idea.“ you pondered and lifted your head to steal yourself a kiss. He was so … eager. Everything he did, he really meant. There was no trace of a lie in this man, only earnest fondness. „On another note“, his voice lost an octave or so as he spoke, his right hand leading your wrists one after another over your head and gently keeping them in place. He kissed you once more. „What are you’re plans for Yorktown?“  
You would have to talk to him about being sexy and holding important conversations at the same time. Your head felt dizzy and your thinking was not in prime condition. „Well, later in the evening there’ll be the usual operations party. Place still to be determined, as far as I am up to date with the mess hall talk.“ pausing for a second and enjoying the view, you smirked up at him: „But maybe news in the officers mess is different?“ He snorted and his hand left your wrists, simply leaning over you now. „Officers mess is very, very nosy about a certain chief engineer and his suddenly blooming love life.“ You had expected as much. „But!“ he lifted a finger and grinned: „I know for a fact that we’re going to arrive early on Alpha. and I’ve planned a few things besides getting wickedly drunk in the evening, so I hoped you hadn’t planned anything yet?“  
Your cheeks flushed with excitement as you shook your head. „As a matter of fact, I haven’t, as I was hoping to ask a certain Engineer with a rekindled love life out. What have you planned?“  
„Ha“ he laughed at your question and lifted himself from the bed. „You’ll see.“  
„So it’s a surprise?“  
„Aye, lass.“  
You straightened yourself and wiggled your eyebrows: „Any way to coax you into telling me?“  
„Nah, it’s a surprise“ he seemed to enjoy this quite a lot. You nibbled at your lower lip, pondering.  
„Don’t pull tha’ face, lass. Jus pick somethin’ nice to wear.“  
This man never stopped to intrigue you.


	11. Chapter 11

A starship was like a village in space - of course there were the away missions and exciting discoveries; but sometimes the human mind just longed for some good old fashioned gossip. This is why everyone and their mum had an opinion about your choice of clothing.  
Mess hall had become a battle field. The gangways were trenches. Quarters a bunker to hide from unwanted opinions.  
„It’s going to be a dress, isn’t it?“  
A couple of very curious eyes were focused on you, you noticed, as you glanced over the replicated steak in front of your mouth around you. „I really don’t know.“ A couple of crewmates from security were gathered around the table.  
They were your friends, you reminded yourself. They meant well. That and they were very curious.  
„You should wear a dress. It’s a CO, after all.“ voiced Bancroft and offered a lopsided grin.  
„That’s not how this is.“ you rolled your eyes and shoved the steak down before it could get any colder.  
„I’m just saying it’s probably going to be fancy“  
You stared at him blankly, not having considered this before. „Oh“.  
„He didn’t even give you a hint?“  
„Nope.“  
„Then pick a dress! It’s definitely going to be fancy!“  
You sighed and gave up on your endeavor to actually eat that steak in front of you.  
„I don’t even have a lot of dresses.“  
„Uh-Oh - there’s the black one, that you wore on graduation day, the one that just barely -„  
„MIGHT I remind everyone here of their bedside manners?“  
Everyone knew that voice.  
„Ca-Captain!“ the color of Bancrofts face actually managed to match his red shirt within seconds. If his blood rushed to his cheeks any faster you’d have to call medbay.  
You stifled a laughter as you greeted the Captain, who smirked at you.  
„So, is there still a space left at this table?“  
„We were actually just going, Captain.“ and with that, the rest of your crewmates saluted, left the table and scuttled away, throwing you to the wolf. Kirk sat down, shaking his head and put his tray in front of him on the table, mumbling something about people avoiding him.  
There was a mischievous twinkle in his baby blue eyes as he turned to face you.  
„So, Lieutenant Y/L/N“, a grin spread on his lips: „Are you going to wear a dress?“  
Everyone. And their mother.

 „I don’t know“ you moaned and rolled your eyes. „It’s still a day until shore leave!“  
„You would probably look dashing in you dress uniform, Lieutenant.“  
„Huh“, you said, throwing him a suspicious side-eye. „That’s actual, solid advise. And here I thought you were just being nosy like the rest of them.“  
At that he raised his eyebrows, putting his right hand on his chest in what was supposed to be a shot motion. He laughed. Then he bent over the table, as if trying to create a conspirative atmosphere.  
„So, where are you going? Any clue?“  
„Sir. Don’t you have .. like …a ship to run?“  
„Sulu’s at the helm. Chekov’s navigating. And I got the best first officer a captain could wish for. I think we’re pretty solid.“  
„That’s a pity, Sir, because I have an Doctor’s appointment in .. oh.. look at the time. Now.“ you tried to keep the sass in your voice at bay. This was, after all, your captain.  
„Oh,come on, you can tell me! I’m your Captain!“  
„Has Monty told you anything?“  
Kirk chuckled lightly.  
„‚Monty‘“, he made sure to stress the word as much as possible. „Hasn’t told me one bit, but I’ve heard he did consult with Lieutenant Uhura a few days ago.“  
„Is that so.“ you furrowed your brows. „Anyway, gotta go Captain, I’d hate to keep the Doctor waiting.“

* * *

 „Just wear whatever you feel comfortable in.“, said Chapel and her kind smile made you forget for a moment to think about who on this starship had spread the news. It was probably due to Scottys rank - you imagined him talking with Uhura about it, who talked with Spock, who spilled it by accident to Kirk, who then talked to Bones and everyone else around them listening in all the time.  
„I just want it to be a special occasion“ you answered and smiled back in return. There was no way anyone could be angry at Chapel. „Every occasion is a special occasion for a young couple“ she said with a wink and lifted a finger: „I’ll get the Doctor.“

The head nurse of the Enterprise left and only a few moments later Doctor McCoy entered the room, a concentrated stare fixed on his PADD.  
„Lieutenant Y/N“, he said, shook your hand and put the PADD on his lap while sitting down. „I’ve just read the readings Nurse Chapel got for me and it looks like you’re in prime health again.“, his fingers tapped the PADD.  
„Thanks, Doctor. So I am cleared for shore leave, yes?“  
You hadn’t mentioned it to Scotty, because you did not want him to skip his own leave to be with you. He was the guy to do something like that. Taking in the soft expression that crossed the doctors face for a second, there’d be no need for anyone to skip shore leave.  
„Yes, you’re cleared for shore leave …“ you hissed a small ‚Yesssss‘ at that „…but while we’re at it.“  
„Is there anything wrong, Doctor?“ There was really no need for any more bad news in your life. And at the tone in his voice you instantly worried.  
„Nothing serious, but since you’re here - there’s no hormone implant in your medical record.“ Blood rushed too your cheeks. Your pounding heart seemed determined to drown every other sound in the room.  
„I … ah .. there was ..I didn’t think there would be…“  
„No need for that on a five year mission?“ he raised his eyebrows questioningly and watched you fidget under his gaze.  
„Yeah .. ? I thought I’d get one when .. uh …“  
„I can get one right away and apply it. With the newer implants you’ll be fine by tomorrow evening.“ the Doctor just continued, unfazed by your blushing. He had probably had this talk with a lot of young women on the Enterprise.  
„Aye …“ you answered meekly.  
„Great. Just wait here, we’ll get started right away.“  
At least he hadn’t asked you about what you’d wear.

* * *

 Your quarters still felt empty when you were there alone and in that moment you felt a sting right where your heart was. Cas would’ve known what to wear. A smile flashed across your face, just for a second, while you stared at the clothes scattered across your bed. Not that you had that many to begin with. Well, not that you didn’t like clothes - but being in Security and on a five year mission in space there was hardly any opportunity to wear something else than your star fleet uniform.  
Bancroft was right, of course - you did have that nice black dress you wore on graduation day (to be more specific: You wore it on the evening of graduation day. The biggest party you could remember. At least up until now.). You could also wear your dress uniform. It was very formal though. There was also one more dress (blue,you liked it a bit too much to leave behind) and some jeans and a blouse. For the first time in years you felt the nervous flutter in your guts again, the one you once had when you were a teenager and tried to ask that guy from the football team out.  
„Good lord, Cas, I could really need your help right now“ you huffed and dropped on the bed.  
„The black one is very short, maybe I should wear it in the evening. If we’re going to .. take a walk … or so … I’ll wear the jeans. And tomorrow I’ll take the blue dress. Good?“ waiting for an answer that would never come you sighed. “Great. I’ll take that as a yes.“

* * *

 „How was your day, lass?“  
You opened your eyes to look at the silhouette of Montgomery Scott getting rid of his t shirt. You’d never get enough of that. „Getting better by the minute“ at that the scotsman chuckled and slipped out of his shoes. The shower was always one of his top priorities as soon as he got to his rooms, which sometimes happened at odd hours. One day he had stumbled into his quarters at the end of beta, greeted you with a kiss on the forehead, showered, changed, and was off again „before the nuclear accident we’re sitting on is going to happen“. Now he slid out of his trousers and smiled at you. „We’re only a few hours away from Yorktown now.“ he grabbed a dry towel and made his way over to the bathroom. „I’ll have to go back to engineering, but only for a wee bit, and then I’m all yours.“  
„Sounds great“, you said and basked in the warm feeling that spread through your body.


	12. Chapter 12

„DOCKING INITIATED“  
You straightened your uniform jacket, then zipped up your travel bag. In there you had the black dress as well as the blue one and excitement filled you on the prospect of wearing either one tonight. Starfleet personnel usually kept their uniforms on until they had officially docked, after that you’d leave and find your on-shore quarters, where you’d change and meet up with Monty. That was you plan at least. You shot a glance over to the clock and sighed. A big grin kept creeping on your face whenever you didn’t keep it in check and the proverbial butterflies made your chest buzz with agitation. Things had changed so fast. You took a deep breath and felt a beaming smile creep on your face, but this time it was allowed to stay. Straightening your uniform once more, you grabbed your bag and left your quarters.

* * *

 Yorktown was impressive. No way to deny it. You had never seen it before, read about it, of course, but never seen it for yourself. You could not help but stare in awe as you walked through the gangway over to set foot onto the station yourself. If you’d asked him, Scotty would probably be able to explain to you how most of it’s more fascinating machinery worked. The murmur of other crew members and the low trod of a couple of hundred people walking through a metallic tube drowned all other sound for a few seconds before you stepped out onto the hangar and from there into an open plaza. Truly breathtaking.  
„I wished ya’d look at me like that“, said a voice close to your left ear, amusement resonating in it. You turned your face to face the voice. Without a second to lose, your lips got caught by his. A soft pressure, just to remind you of his presence. Blood rushed to your cheeks as heads turned around to you, eyes staring and people starting to whisper. You had considered it an open secret, but realization rushed to you that no one had ever seen you kiss. And that with so many people on the Enterprise, only a couple were bound to really know.  
„That’s Montgomery Scott.“  
„The Montgomery Scott.“  
„Who’s that? She’s no Lieutenant Commander, is she?“  
You blushed even more at that. „What’s the matter, lass?“ his voice disrupted your thoughts.  
„I just… you know you’re some sort of living legend? Transwarp Beam and all that?“  
„That never bothered ya before!“ he cocked his head „I can even quote you about that ‚technical b-„  
You shook your head and he grabbed your hand, his fingers intertwining with yours. The rough skin of his finger tips stroke casually over the sensitive part inside your hand. „I mean .. All crew mates are looking, and they’re … like .. talking …“ he just chuckled and tugged you into his arm. „If you’re uncomfortable we can walk separately?“ You assumed that he said this half-jokingly, but did not want to test your theory. Here, walking by his side, one arm wrapped around your shoulder and your own arm loosely wrapped around his back - it was quite comfortable and the stares and whispers seemed less intense. „Just let them talk. People have seen nothing but space for 2 years straight“, he whispered, his head close to you. You could feel his lips moving your hair as he spoke.

You walked slowly down the Plaza, away from the Enterprise. At some point everyone started meeting someone - there were quite a few couples from different departments, you noticed, and you suspected shore leave would form new bonds and break others. Sometimes there were families waiting, partners, even someone with a dog that wagged it’s tail frantically at a fast approaching woman wearing science blue. Out of the corner of your eye you saw your Captain and silently thanked McCoy, who had grabbed him by the arm and Spock, who was clearly reading things from his PADD to him. „Where are ya trying to go, lass?“ Scotty asked as you tried to swerve to the right, into another street. „My PADD said,“ you wriggled out of his arm to reach for the PADD in your bag. Not that you needed to - your other crewmates were all flogging into that direction. „Leave that PADD, lass“, he stretched out his hand „We’re not going there.“ you stared at him bewildered. „No?“ - „No.“, he grinned: „Surprise.“ He took your hand. „Let’s go.“

Luckily for you the public transportation on the station was good - you only had to walk a couple of feet until you reached a train stop. You were also lucky that the engineer seemed quite comfortable in navigating the station, but as far as you knew he’d already been here before.  
„Where are we going, Monty?“ you asked, train taking you through the station, navigating the three dimensional structure easily. „First we’re off to get our room“, he said casually. „It’s not far, actually. It’s our next stop.“ he wrung his hands before grabbing yours again and smiled at you, a faint blush on his cheeks. „Yeah, that’s our station“ - the train bells whistled - „Let’s get out.“

* * *

 If you’re sense of direction hadn’t deserted you completely, you had to be somewhere central. White buildings climbed into what you perceived as the sky of the rotating station. Windows glistened in the artificial light, another plaza with lush green trees hid the entrances to the buildings. The Scotsman pulled you gently alongside, right to the entrance of the highest building there. „Come, let’s check in“ he could barely suppress a flashing grin now, his cheeks glowing with an excited red. You entered a simple, yet elegant entrance hall and immediately stopped breathing. This building encompassed the whole length of the station, you were pretty sure about that. Your steps made only the softest sound on the dark blue carpet beneath your feet. Tiny white stars and bigger yellow and blue suns were sprinkled across it. You didn’t know the constellations and assumed they resembled the night sky you’d see here, if one could see past the artificial light.  
„I got a room for two“, Scotty said as you approached the counter „Montgomery Scott, Enterprise.“ the eyes of the young man behind the counter flashed from Scotty to you and back.  
„Mr. Scott, we’re happy to welcome you to the Sirius Hotel.“ you were handed identification cards for your stay, asked if any luggage needed to be brought to your rooms („Nah, we’re good. Thanks!“), then walked over to the elevator. You didn’t get to push a button, the moment you stretched your hand out the doors already opened.  
„Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Scott“ an artificial voice said.  
„Uh.“ -„I … I didn’t tell them your name, they… uh ..they must’ve assumed…“ you giggled seeing a grown man stumbling over his words, obviously taken as much off guard as you were. He stared at you for a second and started laughing. „But, Monty…“ you began and looked around. Even the elevator was kept in dark blue and gold. „What is it, lass?“ - „I feel like I’m lowering the rating of the place just by using the elevator.“  
He laughed at that - no small laughter, no chuckle, but a deep hearted laughter, filling the elevator to the brim. The elevator stopped, and opened into a small floor and a door. Scotty stopped laughing, took your hand again and smiled, still out of breath. „My love, ya make every place look better. Stop worrying, will ya?“ he said, raised the hand that held yours and pressed his lips against it for a second. „Let’s have a look. And if ya feel uncomfortable, we’ll find something else.“

Uncomfortable was not the word you were looking for when you entered the room. There was nothing over the top about it. It was the kind of expensive that hid in plain sight and had no need of drawing any attention to it. You assumed that it was this type of thing people talked about, when they talked about style. The general theme of stars and constellations was continued through the room - rooms, you corrected yourself. The faintest golden lines connected on white walls to form galaxies, hadn’t you been looking for them, you’d have probably overlooked them completely. You had a small kitchen, although you assumed that nobody expected you to use it, a living room with a couch and then the bedroom. The front wall of your bedroom was milky white and you probably could project anything onit. In the midst of it a bed, big enough to lose sight of everyone else sleeping in there. You put down your bags and stepped over to the milky glass. „Wait, lass“, said the voice of your engineer behind you. A second later the milky veil on the wall vanished and revealed the station behind it. You held your breath.  
„Ya like it?“ said that voice again and sounded anxious. Nervous.  
„It’ll display the night sky later. As if we’re sleeping under a real sky, ya know.“ you heard him draw his breath and you knew if you turned around you would see how he bit his lips, expectantly waiting for your answer.  
„I love it.“ you said and turned around, smiling at him.  
„So ya wanna stay here, lass?“ his features lightened up.  
„Of course, Mr. Scott.“  
He laughed again and walked over to you, cupping your face with his hands. You kissed him and his left hand slid to the back of your neck. „Ya haven’t seen the best yet“ he whispered between to kisses, as that left hand slid even deeper to the small of your back and pushed you gently against him. The both of you turned around, kissing, pressed against each other and you did a couple of backward steps in the direction of the bed. He chuckled under his breath and his right hand followed the left, slid down your back and came to rest on your hips.Your calves touched the bed and as you stumbled, his arms held you close.  
„What’s the best?“, you mumbled breathlessly. His lips left yours, pressed soft kisses on your cheek, your chin, a hint of teeth nipped gently at your neck. A soft hum that vibrated on the skin of your neck was his answer, as if he was still considering what to say to that question instead of knowing the answer already. You took a deep breath and sighed. Your fingers ran from his neck to his head, brushed through the short hair of the engineer. „The best,“ he began and kissed you once more on the neck. „I’ll show ya later.“ he looked back up at you and pulled you away from the bed so that you could stand alone again. „But now let’s get dressed, my love. There’s a table waiting for us and I’m hungry.“ he grinned at your disappointed face.

* * *

 This man knew and deliberately savored the fact that intimacy and sex and the anticiption were something to be cultivated like a good wine. You brushed your hair, cheeks still glowing with excitement and anticipation. You’d have settled for just saying at your rooms - well bedroom, but then you’d miss a probably splendid meal and whatever else he’d planned. Running your hands over your dress once more and picking a piece of fabric from the black neckline you checked yourself in the mirror, deemed your appearance sufficient and left the bathroom.  
And there was Scotty in a shirt and a black jacket, perfectly emphasizing his slender built. You’d never seen anyone look at you the way Montgomery Scott did. „Ya’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever laid my eyes on.“ he whispered and stretched his arm out to you. „May this old fool take you out for dinner tonight?“ You took his arm with a grin that felt permanently fixated on your face.

Dinner went by in what felt like no time. You had a glass of wine and something to eat. And then you had another glass. And another one. Laughing you ordered a cocktail and by the time you left the restaurant arm in arm, you were positively tipsy. He complimented you what felt like a thousand times and you returned the favor gladly. „So, you’re ready for the best?“ you tried to suppress a giggle. „And what might that be, Mr. Scott?“ He grinned and pulled you to the elevator. „The reason I chose this hotel. With some help from Lieutenant Uhura, actually.“ he said („Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Scott“ said the computer again, you hadn’t bothered to correct the system), typing at the interface of the elevator. The doors closed with a faint swoosh and you just stood there for a moment, taking up the heat radiating from his body. Your hand lay on his chest and one finger absent mindedly slid past one of the buttons of his shirt to feel his skin. His chest slowly lifted and sank with each breath. „Where are we going?“, you asked again and began to play with the topmost button of his shirt. „Just a moment“ he said quietly.  
„Observatory“ - the computer voice said and you stepped out of the elevator. Again a small door, which opened as you stepped close to it.  
The moment you stepped over the door sill, you stopped dead in your tracks.  
„Wow.“  
The building did reach to at least one ending of the station and had bought and integrated a part of the dome - the snowball, as Bones had coined it - into the building. The lights dimmed, you stood in near darkness, and as your eyes slowly acclimated more and more stars appeared.  
„That’s .. incredible.“ you stated and walked into the room. It was huge. There was a handle on the floor. You knew those things, but they were of little importance to you right now.  
„Still not the best.“ his voice carried through the room over to you. He stood at the console and typed something. Then he walked over to you, put one of his feet under one of the handles and grinned.  
„Computer, uncouple room from Station Gravity. Settings to zero grav.“  
Weightlessness caught your hair and lifted it. You laughed, grabbed his face and kissed him, fiercly, only for a moment, then you had to look around again.  
„Unbelievable.“  
Seemingly content he had a small grin on his face, constantly watching you. You pushed yourself from the ground and glided through the air, laughing. „That’s incredible.“ at a loss for words you pirouetted to turn to Scotty, who still hang to his handle and was simply watching you float and glide. As if you were in space, real space, just without a suit. There was another handle as you approached the glass ceiling, the outmost part of the station you’d be able to reach. You could stare into space there, see stars and the arms of a spiral galaxy stretch across the sky. Using the handle you pushed yourself in the vague direction of Scotty again, but closed your eyes after the first few feet. Nothing. You thought. Weightlessness, bathing in stars. A pair of arms grabbed you mid flight and the both of you tumbled and laughed. „It’s the best, Monty. Thank you so much.“ you grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss.  
Kissing in zero gravity was a wholly new experience. It did not change the fundamental mechanics, but there was a certain appeal to floating together. There was nothing else to hang on but the other person. He held you and you kissed him. Your hands sneaked under his shirt and you did not care if anyone else would want to come in any minute.


	13. Chapter 13

The kiss lasted forever. First you just pressed your lips together - soft and carefully, as if meeting each other for the first time. Then he opened his mouth and you followed likewise and his tongue met yours, curiously exploring you in a promise of more to follow. He tasted like red wine and spices, his arms carefully wrapped around you and pulling you closer.   
Floating there felt like eternity, your feet hooked in behind his calves. You felt how his muscles worked as he moved to turn you around, how one of his hands left you and the soft ‚thumb‘ as your back gently hit the ground. His free hand grabbed a handle, one of his feet hooked under another one and he pressed you down. The kiss grew more intense - fierce in his intent. His free hand landed on your waist and he dragged his fingers down your dress, down to where the hem was and he could touch your thighs. You pulled up your right knee and snaked your leg across his back and pushed your hips gently against his. He separated from your lips and groaned. „We,“ you whispered, breathing heavy, „We should get back to our room.“  
„Should we?“ he growled, now close to your ear. You felt his nose tip against your earlobe and a second later his wet lips on your neck, kissing every inch of bare skin down to your shoulder. You shuddered and ran your fingers through his hair. He stopped for a moment at your shoulder, but only because the hand at your thigh stroked over the black stockings, following them under your shirt up and cupping your ass. „Monty“, his name escaped your lips as a soft moan as he pressed his hips closer, the fabric of his black trousers rubbing against you. „This, does not work in zero grav“, you whispered and your hand on the back of his head grabbed his hair now, while his teeth raked over your skin. Rough fingers slid under your pantie, he lifted his head to face you - blushed with arousal, eyes dark and hungry. „No, not that“ he answered and grinned, his voice a coarse growl. „But we’re still at foreplay, my love.“ he pulled his hips away from yours, just enough to slid his hand between your legs, his curious fingers sliding from your ass to the front. You sucked in air between your teeth as you felt his index finger slide between your folds and how welcome it felt. He stopped for a second, surprised at the hot wetness and then slid back, gently rubbing the most sensitive part of your body. Whimpering you pressed yourself against his hands, starting a slow, unsatisfying rhythm. „Please“, he carefully pressed his fingers against you, heat building up in your stomach and in your chest. „Let’s go to our room, Monty.“ you whispered as his fingers slipped deeper down, hesitating for a moment before entering you. „So eager,“ he whispered in your ear, hungrily kissing your neck afterwards. „We’ve got all night“ he bent his finger inside you and rubbed your sensitive skin at the same time with his palm. The heat inside welled up. You felt your breath erratic, felt how hot your skin was against the cool air of the observatory. Your view felt blurry and distant but you saw the satisfaction on his face as he watched you unravel under him. He applied more pressure now, moving his hand outside and inside of you and the sounds that left your lips were barely comprehensible. „Come for me, my love.“ he whispered and watched with a smug grin as your lips parted and the heat spilled over, took you with it on a hot wave of dancing stars and floating in zero gravity and him so close yet so far away. You whimpered and moaned and leaned your head on his shoulder, his fingers not leaving you until the last wave had ebbed away and only a small shiver was left. He pulled down your dress. Pressing his hips against you, you felt him hard through his trousers. „That was dessert“, he whispered.  
„Computer, reinitiate standard gravity.“. As the gravity systems reinitiated he carefully moved his legs and arms around you, not to accidentally hurt you, as you were technically lying under him. „Now“, he lifted himself up the moment gravity was back and reached down to pull you up next to him into a quick kiss. „Let’s get to our room.“

He wore a smug grin on the way back to your rooms, while you hung on his arm and followed along. There was something else in his eyes, too, and it showed whenever he looked at you: Lust. Intent. Desire. Hunger. The both of you had waited to do this because of everything that had happened for a while now. He had promised to make it special. Now, here, walking beside him back to your room, cheeks scarlet red, bit shaky on your feet, you were sure he’d live up to his promise easily.  
„I’ll find an occasion as beautiful as you are.“  
The elevator had never taken so long, you thought. It seemed to be an eternity until it opened again, until you stepped into your room. You had your arms around each other again the moment you entered the bedroom and no time to actually admire the night sky displayed on the wall. The only thing you had eyes for were the scotsman, slipping out of his jacket and hanging it over a chair. You slid out of your shoes and stood in front of the bed. As he walked over to you, he started unbuttoning his shirt. „Let me“, your voice sounded weak, barely a whisper, your fingers shivering slightly as you took over from him. „Ya’re beautiful“, he mumbled, his now free hands sliding down to your back until they found the zipper of your dress. Just as you had opened the last button, he opened the zipper of your dress and for a second you separated to get out of your clothes. He watched you in silent as you sat down on the edge of the bed to take off the stockings. „That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, lass“ he muttered, jawline tense. He stepped closer and brushed his hand through your hair, gently dragging his fingers down your cheeks and cupping your face. You stuck your tongue out to wet your lips and moved your hands up his legs. Your fingers slid to his belt and you hesitated just for a second, looking up to meet his gaze - he looked frozen with anticipation, his lips parted the tiniest bit - before you unbuckled it and fumbled with the button. The pants of his suit were strained from his erection pressing against the fabric. He helped with his right hand and opened them, your hands brushing against each other as you reached up to pull his pants down. You leant forward and pressed your lips on the fabric of his shorts, felt his hardness and the tiny wet spot. The engineer made the filthiest groan you had ever heard and pushed his hips involuntarily into your direction. Your fingers reached for his shorts and you carefully relieved him of his last piece of clothing. As he spoke again, his voice had a low timbre to it: „I want ya, Y/N.“  
You pressed your lips against his length and watched as his breath stuttered. You parted your lips and took him in, heard him moan und felt him push ever so lightly with his hips as you caressed and licked him. His right hand lay heavy in your neck. He was hard and tense and shivered slightly as you continued to move your lips around him. „Stop, lass.“ he moaned, the hand that was on your neck now grabbed your chin and ushered you to stop. You pulled back, leaning on your elbows and smiling up at him. Scotty bent down and climbed over you. He had done so before, but he had never taken your pantie with one hand and pulled it down with a urgency you could only describe as greed. The moment you got rid of your bra his lips were on your skin again, tasting and nibbling, his calloused hands cupping one breast and firmly kneading it. You let out a soft moan and suggestively rubbed your hips against him. He smelled of perfume and that touch of electrics and oil that seemed to cling to him. He tasted of sweat and his skin was hot and glowing where your tongue touched it. There were fingers feeling there way down to that wet mess he made out of you, pushing you further until you were squirming and writhing under his touch. „Please, Monty.“ you pleaded as two of his fingers slipped into you, bending and moving exquisitely. He lit that fire from before anew and shifted over you, his weight a promise made weeks ago. His one hand left your breast and he positioned himself, you lifted your hips a bit. The tip of his length pressed against you for a moment, then he pushed into you - gently, carefully, groaning as you stretched around him and took him in.  
You moaned something unintelligible as he began to move - slowly, deliberately at first, pushing his hips against yours and deep into you in a fluid motion. At first he whispered your name, which soon turned into a groan, a primitive expression of pleasure. You wrapped your legs around his back and tried to motion him even deeper into you and as a result he started to push harder. He bent over you, grabbing your wrists one by one and putting them firm in place above your head. You were close already. Wriggling your wrists under his grip you moaned as heat welled up inside you again, growing with each thrust. Soon. Conscious thought fled your mind as he thrust again and again. You looked up at him, vision clouded by your desire. Another thrust, the sound of flesh connecting. He bent down and pressed his lips hard on yours. You were close now and muttered his name, fell into his hard rhythm, aching to reach your climax.  
And then there was only his breath and his guttural groan, a sound followed by your moan as you contracted around him and got swept away in bliss. Another thrust to push you further and he followed, the both of you clinging and pressing against each other in erratic motion.  
A moment of exhausted silence followed which he used to press kisses on your breasts and your neck, to mumble words of love and devotion into your ear. You kept him between your legs and kissed him, whispering in return. Only later did he roll to the side, taking deep breaths. You turned around and edged closer to him until you could snuggle to his side.


	14. Chapter 14

Morning sneaked into your room on silent toes, as if not to disturb the softness of sleep and the tangle of entwined limbs on the sheets. The first light of an artificial sun crept upon our eyes, through the glass windows and traced your skin where your lovers lips had walked before. You woke to the warmth of another body next to yours and the soft up and down of his chest, because your fingers sprawled across it. He stirred and through half opened eye lids you could see the first light of the day catch in his blondish hair, tug at his lips and soften the rough edges of his body. You exhaled, smiling, reliving the memory of the day before vividly. Your fingers traced idly over his chest, fingers drawing a line down to his stomach, slowly following the line of his hip. He grumbled something, a sound that tickled in your chest and made you giggle with delight and he blinked slowly, his left hand cupping your face. A smile spread on his lips.  
„Ya’re’ke..?“ he mumbled and you giggled once again.  
„What?“  
The engineer „hmph“ed and rolled on his side, arms catching you in an embrace and pulling you close. His lips caught yours and the kiss tasted of promises made last night. „Ya’re awake“, he stated, this time more clearly and his smile spreading into a grin.

A morning was no time for speeches and long talks, but for stolen kisses and to bury his face in your hair, take a deep breath and gently, lazily explore each other as only lovers did. It was a time for giggles and whispers and love letters written by your lips on his skin and him answering with his fingers dipping south and curiously eliciting the language of delight from your lips. Those early rays of light were there to form a net, catching the words that fell from each others lips as your bodies moved in unison.

Noon was the time for laughter and trickling water that fell down your chin. Water that dripped down your shoulders to be eagerly caught by his tongue. Noon was soap in your hair and his fingers getting lost in the tangle of your hair. Each bursting bubble of soap contained more laughter until you had to catch your breath and lean against him and you got to your knees and grinned at his widening eyes and the soft „Oh“ sound he made, full of pleasure and surprise. Noon was soap in your eyes and mission abort and more laughter until you found yourself on the bed again, hair still wet and dripping.

„So.“  
„So?“  
You had just finished lunch and decided to actually put some clothes on. For the moment - and for the party. Scotty as well as you yourself seemed to have gotten at least a hundred messages on your PADDs telling you about the when and who and where.  
„We’re actually gonna leave this hotel?“  
„If we dinnae show up tonight, Captain’s gonna send an away team“ the Scotsman smirked, standing in front of a range of shirts. They were spectacular in color, to say the least.  
„He wouldn’t dare! He knows exactly .. I mean ..”, you cleared your throat, remembering your exchange with Bones.  
„Knows that we’re bein’ at it?“, he raised his eyebrows and turned his head to face you for a second. The way he stood there, clad in his black trousers and without a top, you found it somewhat difficult to register his choice of words.  
„Yeah.“  
„All the more reason for him to send an away team.“  
„You could fight them of bare handed.“  
„Aye, lass. Me bare handed, bare chest, Captain storming in to lead them.“ you started to laugh at the thought of it. „After him comes Mr. Spock, Phaser set to stun, right crashing through that door.“ he chuckled, chose a shirt and a jacket. You watched him in silence. Never had you assumed to wake up next to Montgomery Scott. You never had expected to go to bed with him in the first place. And even if, you’d expect it to be a one time fling - looking at him now you felt lucky and the way he lifted his head and his eyes lightened up when he saw you, you just knew the feeling was mutual.  
„So.“  
You lifted your eyebrows.  
„We’ve got 4 hours until the party starts, so I propose we explore Yorktown and head for the club afterwards.“ He walked over to you and offered you his arm, which you gladly took. „Let’s go.“

The booming sound of techno music welcomed you to the designated party of today. Loud enough for you and Scotty to have to yell at each other to communicate. Lights flashed across the dance floor and the first people were already dancing, but the both of you pulled over to a group of familiar faces. Kirk waved you over.  
„Ah, young love.“ he quipped and grinned, skipping a proper welcome and just patting you on the shoulder.  
„You two look good. Enjoying your stay, huh?“  
„Yes…“ you stretched the world and grinned too, if somewhat forceful. That man knew no boundaries. Scotty squeezed your hand gently and you could see the amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes. Bones nodded vaguely in your direction, a glass of scotch in his hands and only breaking his talk with Sulu for a short moment. You caught the eye of one of your crew mates. „I’ll be over there, Monty, if you’re looking for me.“ and left the group to greet your friends from security.

Music played and ebbed away. You were dancing away, drinking with your friends and toasting each other to a great party, shore leave, new found love and loved ones lost. Someone had managed to smuggle a version of „Old Yorktown“ into the Clubs playlist - an old sailor song someone on one of the exploration vessels with more talent in music had rewritten to fit the age of space exploration. It had spread like wildfire across the ships.

> _It’s a damn tough life full of toil and strife_  
>  _We spacemen undergo_

You sang along - it was more of a chant with your friends and crewmates, someone pushed a tumbler with an amber liquid into your hands. You shoved it down in one go, without giving your tongue time to taste the liquid. You didn’t care.

> _And we don’t give a damn when the gale is done_  
>  _How hard the winds do blow_

Arms grabbed you left and right and you laughed as you huddled together, still chanting and very, oh so very drunk. You could see Montgomery Scott standing at the edge of your group, a soft smile on his lips, tumbler in his hand and sipping the same liquid you had downed earlier. Bones stood next to him, arm on Scottys shoulder and they both laughed at something he said. But his eyes. His eyes were on you and before the chant took you back in, you smiled back at him.  
Yours.

> _We’re homeward bound from the Deep Space Ground_  
>  _With a good ship taut and free_

Your throat felt raw and dry from singing but everyone was there and the feeling of belonging, of being part of something bigger and greater then yourself elevated your mood.  
„For Hyden“, someone yelled and everyone lifted there glass and drank and someone actually managed to get another round of drinks for everyone without ever stopping the song. Your legs felt somewhat unsteady, but you decided to ignore it.

> _And we don’t give a damn when we drink our rum_  
>  _With the girls of ol’ Yorktown_

Another round of drinks and you lifted your glass as „Yorktown“ fell from your lips and just before you could fall in with the chorus you yelled: „For Cas!“ and glasses were raised and answered „CAS!“ in unison. Someone squeezed your shoulder and dizziness crept into your brain and started to slow down your comprehension for motion but you shoved your drink down and jumped into the chorus with the rest.

> _Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown, me boys_  
>  _Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown_  
>  _We’re homeward bound from the deep space ground_  
>  _Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown_

You stumbled into Scottys arms drunk and laughing and he steadied you with a soft chuckle. „Easy there, lass.“ his accent was stronger then before, a good indicator that he had his share of drinks too. Someone patted his shoulder while going past the two of you, but you were too drunk to see or care.  
„We .. should head home, handsome scotsman.“ you spluttered and giggled and snuggled into arms.  
„Ya’re drunk as hell“, he stated and patted your head in an awkward motion.  
„Ya’re not off better!“ you quipped back in an attempt to mimic his accent. He just laughed and the two of you made your way to the exit.  
„Yes, yes we’re leaving“, the scotsman yelled over his shoulder and for a second it was you steading the both of you. You giggled again.  
Another chorus of „Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown“ reached your ears, just as the fresh air hit your face. It felt sobering, but only for a second and until you turned your head to the scotsman and felt how your vision seemed to lag behind the movement. It was that state of being. You would regret tonight. Tomorrow morning. But not now.  
„Monty…“ you said, the both of you zigzagging slowly back to the hotel.  
„Yes?“ his eyes caught yours, warm and kind and hazy from alcohol.  
„I think I love you.“  
He stopped and smiled and cupped your face with one hand to give you a small, shy kiss.  
„I think I love ya too, lass.“

  
Behind you someone opened the door to the club and you could here the crew of the Enterprise sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Song is "Old Maui", I prefer the versions of the Dreadnoughts


End file.
